Minions...An Expose' in Lexiconery

I have always believed a minion to be one of those wicked underworld creatures in the servitude of Satan - like this one...














Apparently the Merriam-Webster definition is a little broader than I expected. So says Webster, "a servile dependent, follower, or underling," also, "a subordinate or petty official." I presume like these...











Maybe for the first time in history I find that this established reference guide is flawed for not accurately depicting MY OWN PERSONAL understanding of the word. I suspect foul play. Of course, the Webster definition does not refer to whom the minion(s) is/are in servitude, therefore it is entirely possible that it is simply incomplete and not entirely incorrect.

Off to the laboratory. This must be further investigated.

So, I ran a little test to determine the validity of our traditionally most trusted source of lexicon. Various liturgy were applied to the Webster database search tool.

Query Submissions:

Asshattery - Query inconclusive. Returned results included the substitute words: ashtray, sea otter, psaltery, easterly and austerity.

Moonbattery - Query inconclusive. Returned results include the substitute words: moonbeam, moonset, Molenbeek, minibar, mooning and moneybags.

Snarkery - Query inconclusive. Returned results included the substitute words: snorkel, snare drum, snorter, synergy, smartweed and others too mundane to mention.

Libtardery - Query inconclusive. Returned results included the substitute words: leotard, laterad, laggard, lit crit, liturgy, liberal, literati, liturgy, Richard and others too mundane to mention.

Conclusion:

Only one of the queries produced near conclusive results, albeit sans definition-izing, avec synonym-izing - that, of course, being "Libtardery."

From an empirical point of view, libtardery is the act of the radical literading literati dicks in leotards espousing liberal lit crit liturgy in support of the laggardly. (I made this up.)


















Libtardery.

Regardless, I am officially rendering Merriam-Webster as an invalid source of reference due to its obvious and perhaps intentional omission of proper lexiconery. However, I would be remiss to ignore the rather surprising (and shocking) unrelated results.

Psaltery is akin to a zither.
Smartweed is any of a variety of polygonums with a strong acid juice.
Mooning is to spend time in reverie; to behave abstractedly; to expose one's naked buttocks toward unsuspecting bystanders.
Laggard is akin to dilatory.
Richard is in reference to Richard Maddow of MSLSD fame.

While snarkery is definitely afoot, the other foot suspects that my ill-begotten minion beliefs could very well be attributed to an unsavory memory embed from my childhood referencing any of Satan's actual minions like this one...




















Now, I must go and repent for posting such vile and insipid of empirical snarkery during the most holy of days (Snarking on the sacred Sabbath is a sin, right?).