Speaking of Offensive Language...Calf Fries ARE OFFENSIVE

I've kind of always been offended by the term "redneck".

Being a Southerner, I've been addressed as such various times in my life. I think most notable was during a trip to New York. I was there on sort of a factory tour trip where a manufacturer of a certain engineering specification product will fly engineers form all over the country and show off their factory. Usually, these free trips include some sort of fun outing, which may include fine dining, a Broadway play, a sporting event, or some other kind of way to buy you off for specifying their products.

During the NY trip, The Saturday included a day at West Point for the Army home coming game. While I have to admit, this was probably my favorite of such trips, there were a few tense moments based on the simple reason that I am from Texas.













This event started with a meet and greet ice breaker that takes place in a large tent sponsored by our hosts. One of the hostesses representing the company that paid for our trip approached me. The lady knew three things about me; my name, my birth state and that I carry a "slight" Texas drawl when I speak (I blame my parents for this, unless I am out in the country with my cousins, then it become a source of pride - I know and never mind).













"Are you a Redneck?" she asked in a very, very heavy Bronx dialect. Keep in mind that I was wearing a white starched shirt, black slacks, a tweed sport jacket and a rather fashionable (at the time) Jerry Garcia tie...oh, and my "Sunday-go-to-meetin'" black shoes. I looked like any other business type doing business.

I paused for an uncomfortable moment and simply said, "No, ma'am, but I know a few," hoping that she would move on to a business related subject. But she didn't.

"Who's that comedian that says, "You are a redneck if...?"

"Jeff Foxworthy?"

"Yeah. That guy." She went on in an attempt at a few of his redneck jokes - and rather badly, too. I just stood there, looking around for an escape. I kept nodding and smiling in spite of the tense moment. She had no idea that the term "redneck" is offensive to some.

She paused to think of another slur and I pounced on the chance to interrupt and change the direction of the conversation, "So, have you been to many Army football games?"

"Like, do I come here often? she asked with a big smile and her eyebrows sort of inquisitively pinched.

"Perhaps, I guess." I answered not knowing where she might go next.

"Surely, being from Texas, you've been to a football game before," which came out of her mouth like "beef-owah" - I swear.

"Hundreds, I'd say." I said still plotting my escape.

Being sort of a bird watcher, I noticed a large raptor flying in over the Hudson River toward us and I gazed upward as it made its way almost straight above us and the grassy banks. She noticed my reaction as watched upward. "That's a hooh-awk."

"I was wondering." I said still watching the bird.

Perhaps it was the hooh-wot doo-ogs or the keg beer, but she put her had on my arm and asked me where we were staying for the night. I told her that I thought we were staying in the city at Times Square.

"Too bad," she said.

"Why is that?"

"You seem like a nice guy and not at all what I expected."

"What do you mean?" I was beginning to feel even less comfortable with the situation and was really curious about what she expected by meeting a real live Texan.

"You don't seem very country to me."

"Perhaps that's because I've spent my entire life living in a metropolitan area of about 8 million people?" The look on her face was priceless. She dropped her hand form my arm and put in on her hip. I wasn't sure of that body language, but at this point, I couldn't wait to hear what she was going to say next.

"Manhattan has 8 million people."

"I'm aware of that."

"The only difference with the DFW area is that it is spread out over a large area and not stacked up on top of itself."

She smiled, "You are a very 'int-er-esting gooh-eye. Are you shooh-wah you want to go all the way to Manhattan for the night?"

Ok, so this whole conversation was a flirt on her part. I'm guessing that not only was she looking for over night company, but that she probably does this regularly with the factory visitors. There is no way she would ever think that the conversation was insulting to me. The worst part was that our group (from all over the US) would be together for the football game, the after party on Times Square and all the bus time in between. She found a way to be next to me the entire trip in spite of my polite attempts to hang out with the California group.

I really don't know where I am going with all of this except that I have always found offensive, the term redneck not to mention various other locale related stereotypical terms regardless of the locale.

Plus, it gives me a chance to post this picture of a redneck wading pool.












A redneck giving directions..."Naw, man. It's where old man Duece's place use-tah-be before the farr."

No words.

Condos? Apartments? Fire hazard? ...No worries about the fire hazard. I'm sure they all have the redneck fire alarm system installed, which includes an unopened package of Jiffy-Pop popcorn attached to the ceiling in the kitchen...and over the still.

My cousins live out in the country and have spent their lives driving tractors, running cattle ranches and spending the weekends hungover from nights at the local metal building dance halls. I have to say though, that I have found my weekend visits to the farm educational. After all, I have personally participated in some very interesting activities like branding calves, de-horning calves, medicating cattle and horses, riding fences on horseback, feeding livestock of all varieties (goats, chickens, ginny fowl, nieces and nephews, etc.) and collecting dew berries, because you can't make dew berry pie without dew berries.

I just wish I had passed on the time I spent drinking my cousins Lone Star beer, Pearl Light beer (with salt on the top of the can for good reason), Wabble Water Wine (made form native Texas Mustang Grapes (very sour)...not to mention the time he made me breakfast and didn't tell me what it was until after I ate it.

Somehow, eggs scrambled with cubed chunks of fried ..um...fries would have left me passing on the morning meal and in fact caused me to pass on the noontime meal just because...and after the debate over why I would go without lunch, he felt the need to go to the freezer and show me a bowl of fresh cut fries with the statement, "I usually just throw them to the dogs, but since this is a special occasion and all..."

I think I'm gonna be sick again.