Empirical Snarkery

Malathion

2010-07-13T08:39:00.001-05:00

Yes, this is the insecticide that used to I murdered my garden.

What I now know about Malathion:

- I bought a quart of the hellish substance. I should have known that since it didn't come in a spray bottle, it wasn't ready for immediate use. Once I peeled off the label and read the instructions, the quart was supposed to be diluted times 48 gallons of water. Think about a quart bottle of oil versus and oil drum. Dangit!

- Malathion has a military use. It's called Serin Gas. Yes, the very same nerve gas found in some of Saddam's weapon stockpiles and also, what he used against the Kurds a few decades ago.

- Malathion smells really, really bad...even after a week-full of rain and a week full of evaporative sun.

I have to wonder how this stuff is even legal to buy at the local mega-home-improvement-marts. Crikey!

Makes me also wonder why I had to buy AMDRO for my ant hill problem. I can make 48 gallons of anti-ant nerve gas solution with little or more than adding an oil drum full of water.

All this explains why after application, my garden lasted 60 seconds before folding up like the Democ voting base.

Aargh!

2010-07-13T08:22:00.002-05:00

Ok, so I am way the hell behind here. I'm blaming it on Summer...and Obama.

Actually, much of my time has been spent tooling up a new dart team. Not that putting it together has much difficulty, but I finally have it together and the team signed up for the fall leagues. I have nine player (self included) plus one hopeful. Should be a blast. I also built a team blog, which could be fun...well, I hope it's funny anyway.

Ok, I've actually been playing a few tournaments and practicing about 1-4 hours a day. I'm dead serious about the upcoming season. Will the hard practice make a difference? Probably not, but it won't hurt.

The benefit concert on Saturday with Decyfer Down and four or so other bands was awesome. I found it strand to attend a concert with heavy, hard rock and roll of the highest quality that not only has a strong message, but also breaks to simply point upward, if you know what I mean. Just inspiring in every sense of the word.

Other than that personal poo...

Can ya dig it? The Democs are bailing on President Inexperience like the vermin that they are from a sinking Flotilla One. I wonder what the reasoning might be that is the pivot point I was gonna say lynch pin, but, well, that just might be taken all wrong)?

Let's if I can answer my won question. Could it be...

Health care?
The Oil Spill?
Immigration?
Crap and Tirade?
NASA in charge of Arabic relations? Wait...what?
New Black Panther voter intimidation issues?

While any of these could be the cause, I tend to think it's something much, much simpler. How about this?

THIS ADMINISTRATION HAS TO BE THE MOST INEXPERIENCED, DIM-WITTED, ILL-CONCEIVED, ILL-PREPARED, FINANCIALLY IRRESPONSIBLE, PRESIDENCY IN THE HISTORY OF ANY COUNTRY ON THE PLANET...

Yeah, that's probably the reason. I figure none of that other stuff would have happened otherwise.

US v. AZ

2010-07-08T07:05:00.002-05:00

This whole case is maddening. This, while Obama continues to lose the Independent voter support. I wonder how long it will be before his Democ support begins to fade.

According to Fox News:

S.B. 1070 has subjected the United States to direct criticism by other countries and international organizations and has resulted in a breakdown in certain planned bilateral and multilateral arrangements on issues such as border security and disaster management," the suit claims. "S.B. 1070 has in these ways undermined several aspects of U.S. foreign policy related to immigration issues and other national concerns that are unrelated to immigration.

Undermines national security? Excuse me?

And...

The suit cites Mexican President Felipe Calderon's May address to Congress where he blasted the Arizona immigration law and a travel alert Mexico's Foreign Ministry issued in late April for Mexicans visiting Arizona.

Wait..what? Visitors?

This is pure abomination of American rights as citizens. What I can't figure out is why the hell the States aren't bringing suits against the federal government. Every US citizen should be fighting against this sort of infiltration. One needs to look no further than Lebanon, Afghanistan and any of the African countries to see what insurgency looks like.

Decyfer Down - Ride With Me

2010-06-30T09:11:00.005-05:00

Goind to see this band on July 10th. I can't wait.

Quick Hitting - Somebody Make It Stop

2010-06-23T06:08:00.002-05:00

Garden: I killed my pepper plants. Not intentionally, so I guess it's more like plantslaughter rather than herbicide in the first degree. Niel Sperry, noted Texas plant expert said on his Saturday morning radio broadcast to use Malathion for spider mites. So, I did. Ten minutes later the plants were deader than Obama's administration. I hate it when manufacturer's place the instructions for using said products under the label so that you have to peel it back to see that the chemical is supposed to be diluted. I don't see very well these days and when such fine print is so well hidden, I have a tendency to miss it. Bah! Put it like this, gasoline would have taken longer to kill the garden than Malathion. at least I now know what to do on that giant fire ant metropolis out by the curb. However, I fear that it might melt the concrete, so perhaps I shold just stick with the Andro and be done with it.

California: Are You Effing Serious?
Digital license plates? The CA Senate has passed a bill that will force residents to have digital license plates. The goal is to sell advertisements such that when a car stops at a red light, then the license number fades and advertising can scroll for the car behind to read. Now, I can't help but think that this is a bad idea. My first thought was that I can't wait for the hackers (and we know CA doesn't have many of those, right?) to seep into that market. Ok, so they can run public service announcements like Amber Alerts and such, but they can also begin a brain washing campaign for politicking. Perhaps the worst thing is that an individual will have no control over what is being displayed in his/her car: feminine hygiene products, Hooters, BP Oil, Sierra Club, etc. .

Funeral: Yeah, I Went To One
Long time dart buddy passed away last week. Hundreds showed up for the visitation. He was one of the good dudes and will be missed.

Weather: Hotter than two rats making a porn flick in a wool sock...and not a drop of rain. I fear the Texas Summer of 1980 is making a comeback.- 89 straight days without rain, 14 straight days of 110-plus temps, 100 days over 100 degrees or some chit.

The Administration: Oh, don't EVEN get me started.
Ok, I'm starting. Since He's on the war path with BP Oil, I guess that's spilling over to our military generals who question the leadership of the administration. Can these two just play Jeopardy so that we can see who the "smarter" man happens to be? Barbara Boxer can be the third candidate just for the whimsical side show and the general can degrade her by addressing her as ma'am (madam would work better, since she's such a fucking whore).

Oil Spill: Two plus months in and...I'm Waiting, Mr. President.

You know? I was waiting for a national disaster, because it became apparent early on that this idiot only sees money that can be used to further the socialist agenda. It's not like every other president in history hasn't had hurricanes, earthquakes or Lewinskys to rob the public funds for unprecedented aid. Who died and made this fucker boss...oh, yeah. the dead voters did.

Arizona: Can I donate $1 on my tax return to AZ for legal defense versus that fucktard in our White House?
Immigration: I'm ready to just burn Mexico to the ground and be done with it. Have you seen the way these fuckers drive? Ok, that was a little strong and I didn't really mean it - well, the first part anyway. Since the Idiot in Chief is threatening to blow off congressional due process once again and sign an executive order to give amnesty to the illegals, who needs Congress to begin with? The Idiot has czars to handle anything that that Congress can do, right?

College Sports: Where to even start? how about my very own US Regress person, Joe Barton. Buh-Bye, Joe. This will have to be a post in itself. Too much to say and I am officially out of time.

A-Holes Live Among Us

2010-06-22T14:38:00.001-05:00

Crap...leave the blog for a week or two to take care of my walk-about life then comeback and the shit has changed.

The way to format and what ever changed. I had a little blog entry hammered out, hit the backspace button to retype something and the fucking hell began. It asked if I wanted to go to the previous page. What? No, I want to back space over the last word. I tried a couple times with the same result. What ever I did the last time emptied the post and left me with none of it.

Ok, so I'll be posting a few things in the near future. I have a lot to say and since most of it has been held tightly in the recesses of my good nature, I feel a volitile release brewing.

PREVIEW OF COMING DISTRACTIONS
Garden: Dead
California: Are You Effing Serious?
Funeral: Yeah, I Went To One (Not the Garden One, But That Of A Friend)
Weather: Hotter than two rats making a porn flick in a wool sock.
The Administration: Oh, don't EVEN get me started.
Oil Spill: Two plus months in and...I'm Waiting, Mr. President.
Rumors of Wars: Obama on the war path with a general? What?
Arizona: Can I donate $1 on my tax return to AZ for legal defense versus that fucktard in our White House?
Immigration: I'm ready to just burn Mexico to the ground and be done with it. Have you seen the way these fuckers drive?
College Sports: Where to even start? how about my very own US Regress person, Joe Barton. Buh-Bye, Joe.

Ok, all I got for now. Oh, there's more, believe me. No time though.

Be back shortly.

Life is Pudding...Or Not.

2010-06-03T15:14:00.000-05:00

Dang, I've been busy.

Did the wedding anniversary thing this weekend. Goofed off quite a bit, too. Since I lost home Internet somewhere last week between Thursday and Sunday, I haven't been goofing off in the blogs.

Garden Update:
The pepper plants that I so delicately planted a month ago are little more than sticks. As far as natural, Earth frinedly pesticides go, they don't. Any pesticide proclaiming that shit like ceyenne pepper, rosemary oil, mint oil, boiled onion juice, garlic or any other natural stuff can actually either ward off herbacidal bugs or kill them, is plain out lying.

Let's face it, the bug already eats Fresno pepper plants, so isn't adding more shit like that little more than spicing it up for the bugs? Perhaps even flavor enhancement or apetizers? Yeah, that's my thinking. It would work for me.

So, even the sotre bought stuff that says "environmentally friendly" is horse shit. from now on, 99 cents a pound for any sort of pepper sack I want, I'll just buy. Screw the hassle of fighting off bugs and drought and whatever else is after pepper plants.

Eh...back to work, I guess.

Smadi Terror Plea Confuses Judge

2010-05-26T20:06:00.003-05:00

I guess confused is the proper term.

District Judge Barbara Lynn says more time is needed to decide how much time our friendly local bomberman should spend in prison.

Really?

Well, his attorney says he's all roses and candy...

Defense attorney Peter Fleury said his client's crime doesn't fit the man.

"Everybody that has met Hosam Smadi will tell you he is a nice, kind, generous man, and he's not political and he's not very religious and yet he did this terrible thing."

I'm a little stuck on the "nice, kind and generous" part. But I'm sure that once the smoking ears cool off, then I can allow the "...he's not political" part to cause FIRE TO SHOOT OUT OF MY EYES!!!

What am I missing? Does he say "please, thank you and excuse me" Does he bring chocolate chip cookies? Does he say grace before he eats? Perhaps he wears pink floral underwear? Doe eyes? C'mon!

This bastard said this and he's a nice guy...right?

BUT-But-but!!! There's more.

The defense attorney told the judge that Smadi has been diagnosed with a mental disorder.

"We will present to the judge evidence that he suffers from schizophrenia as part of our argument that that lessens, in some way, his culpability," Fleury said. "But it's not going to be an excuse for the offense."

Doesn't that make things a little better? Of course it does. Makes me sorta wanna cry.

Just out of curiosity, I wonder what might have happened had Smadi not been as big of an idiot as he was by asking the freaking FBI to help him. Let's just suppose that he succeeded in blowing up the Fountain Place Tower and a thousand people were killed. In Texas?

It's an I.M. Pei building...or so I am told...hmm... (if only there was a way I could find out...)

This guy would be rushed to the front of the death row line, if he even made it THAT far.

So, exactly what's the difference? Does it depend on whether he passed or failed?

Ok, so can kind of understand where the Judge might be. She's probably thinking that if she gives the guy life, then perhaps she gets her name on the terrorist hit list. However, maybe she should just let him go in west Texas somewhere with a tee shirt saying who he is and what he did, hand cuffed with a gallon of soapy water and a peeled banana.

Hell, I don't know about anything I see in the news anymore. If I didn't know any better, then I'd think a bunch of flippin' clown Smart Cars flipped over in front of every courts building, every city hall, every state legislature, and at every federal building at every level of the government. Then all at once, thousands of clowns bounced out of each of the Smart Cars and straight into political position.

Wait a minute...what if...

Are They F'ing Sh!tting Me?

2010-05-26T07:17:00.003-05:00

Here's another example of our court system bartering away our freedom and national security.

Jordanian Hosam Smadi, the 19 year old terrorist who tried to use FBI provided fake explosives to blow up a Dallas skyscraper, has been offered a plea bargain of 30 years in prison as opposed to facing life in prison and a $250,000 fine. According to Dallas news WFAA who reported this after Smadi admitted his reasoning.

He was quoted in an FBI affidavit saying that blowing up the building would "shake the currently weak economy in the state and the American nation." In addition, he is quoted as saying there would be "psychological impacts for the loss of this beautiful building."

There will be a hearing today in order for the courts to decide if the plea bargain is acceptable. I can help them with this.

HELL NO!!! Fry the bastard!

Any bets on how the fucker got into this country?

There are Defacers of Green Backs Among Us

2010-05-26T05:44:00.003-05:00

One of my colleagues approached me yesterday with a little story. He said he went to the ATM the night before and made a withdrawal . One of the twenties that was spat out of the machine was this one. This is the kind of civil disobedience that I find funny.

Click it to trick it up.

I just rolled back in my chair laughing.

All it took was a rubber stamp and red ink pad and someone made my whole freakin' day.

So I Am a Simpleton...

2010-05-24T20:51:00.010-05:00

...and perhaps that I am; however, as simple as I may be, I have in me the core beliefs that are the very fabric of the REAL America. I get it. I was raised right as rain. To my parents: Thank you for that.

Some libtard Obama suck up by the moniker of Center Square or some shit says this among other things over at my buddy Cmblake6's blog. Right funny joke (in the blog post), too...at least I thought so.

"In fact, it is remarkable that he [Obama] managed to stop the recession dead in its tracks and turn around, with essentially no change in the deficit."

Wait...what? And there was more...much, much more.

Yeah, I sort of went off with the somber strings of America the Beautiful singing in he background. Ok, so that's a little melodramatic, but I was a little puffed up to say the least. I ended up hijacking his (cmblake6) comment section with the following. I hate it when I do that. But then there were a few others doing the same. I had no intentions of doing so, but it is what it is, I suppose.

Somehow I think you've forgotten something...like the truckload of expenditures that Obama has put off to the next president. Your mathematics are as flawed as those of the CBO and the rest of the remedial course flunkies in Washington.

Remarkable is what Reagan did to inspire capitalism and not just stop Carter's blunders.

Running over seas to every subversive and troubled nation in order to throw America and her people under the bus is not remarkable.

Spending hundreds of billions of alleged stimulus monies on marsh mice, lobsters and [bald eagle killing] wind mills is not remarkable.

Cherry picking Obama supporting states for selective stimulus funding is not remarkable.

Sending monies to fake districts that do not exist is not remarkable.

Losing $350 billion of TARP monies is not remarkable with little other explanation than the bailing out foreign banks.

Penalizing those who have learned to succeed by supporting the US economy via job growth is not remarkable.

What's truly remarkable is that this idiot president has ANY support in spite of the monthly increase in jobless claims, the increase in racial divisions within America, the increase in the amount of Americans who will pay no taxes at all, the security threats against our home land security due to wide open borders, the infiltration into our government and our society of the very socialist ideology that generations of Americans have fought and died to prevent abroad, etc. The list goes on and on.

What's remarkable is that there are so many Americans in this country who have yet to understand how this same progressive mind set will land the entire United States of America in the same latrine that many of our states like California, Michigan, etc. are currently finding themselves.

What's remarkable is that the last time the conservatives held congressional power, the unemployment rate was...4.9%. Then the Democrats took over in 2006.

Yes, I place all of the current recession at the feet of the Democrat's socialistic ideology from which the "moderate" Republicans were so spineless that they could summon up little more than to raise a thimble full of token resistance.

Our greatest generation is leaving us and with them the true values that made the United States the envy of every eye from every foreign square foot of real estate around the world.

What are we doing to thank them for the sacrifice they made and the examples they set?

We are throwing them and their values away without so much as the salute that they rightfully deserve. In fact, we are destroying their hard earned pensions and retirement savings in order to give it away to those who choose not to participate in the America that made us great, but rather the America that prefers the protests of "what about me" over patience, perseverance and hard work.

Center Square...YOU (and people like you) are what's wrong with this country.

EDIT: added the following...

His response:

Exactly my point. Thank you, Grackle. Can (some in) this group drop the pretense that they accept the legitimacy of this presidency? You don’t. Have the courage of your convictions. Just say it.

My response in his blog:

Your initial accusation in cmblake6′s post was, first of all, inflammatory by design. Secondly, you failed to notice the date and assumed that the implied result of the storyline was by assassination.

If your assumption, in response, was that I favor such actions, then you are mistaken.

Further, if you assumed that I favor the US Military to involve itself, there again, you are mistaken. These are fears, not desires.

It must only be by the people’s voice that he is stopped. When 60-70% of the people say “no” and government ignores them, then therein lies the possibilities for radical recourse. As I said, this is my fear and not my desire.

Dude, I accept his legitimacy as president as he was elected under Constitutional Law. I haven’t a clue whether his birth in this country is true or not, but it doesn’t really matter to me at this point.

I do not accept…

The radical appointments, and subsequent approval by a puppet Congress, of unqualified personnel to cabinet posts.

The unconstitutional appointment of various czars given similar powers as cabinet members without congressional approval.

The buying off of members of Congress by promise, accusation and threat.

Encouraging Congress to circumvent Constitutional Law to smash through dangerous and careless legislation for little other purpose than to leave a destructive mark on this country by, and I’m fairly certain of his goals here, economic racism.

The legitimizing of illegal aliens for the sole purpose of winning the next election. (Just wait, this one will most likely become the next step in our undoing.)

The backdoor deals, the blatant lies and manipulation of US law.

But mostly, the attempts to criminalize the people’s rights in his attempts to ignore, destroy and render weakness to the first ten amendments to the US Constitution.

He was elected, as far as we know, legally under the same US Constitution that he seeks to ignore, render useless and quite possibly destroy.

THIS is my objection. What you liberals fail to understand is that this president’s reign will end and the next president will rule under the same manner. Your kind will object mightily without considering that it was your kind that allowed it to persist.

You reap what you sow…and the pendulum will swing the other way.

Sadly, we are witnessing our own demise, if we don’t rise up and find a way to stop this nonsense.

His response:

@ Grackle: “These are fears, not desires.” I appreciate that clarification. I share your fears, as I think is abundantly clear. Whereas you see the fears arising from the actions of the president, I see them arising from extremist rhetoric. Thanks again.

My response:

It’s cause and effect, don’t you think?

Ignoring the people propagates civil unrest. America has had riot after riot over the last 250 years over the same sort of “wronged” proletariat.

Government, especially, BIG government can not mend the mind set of its public when the proletariat is responsible for funding such a beast.

When does big government overtake the ability of the masses to fund it? Is the objective to rid us of the private sector all together? What then? Soup kitchens, bread lines?

I can only look at where this appears to be heading. Sooner or later another riot of epic proportions is eminent. Why? Well, it’s not like America hasn’t seen a riot on some level every five years on average, because we have.

Under the previous administration, the left feared and violently (Seattle, WTO) protested the notion of one world government. Now they apparently support the very one who is trying to lead us there.

Does any of this make any sense to you?

My fears are that the next riots won’t be local. They will be national and simultaneous and in every city across America.

The Kent State shootings will look like a minor disagreement by comparison.

Look at recent riots in Denmark, France, Greece, etc. to illustrate the human psyche, regardless of left or right wing affiliation. Side with big government as you see fit, but do not blame the citizenry for reacting to government’s mistake in disregarding the will of the people.

And likely, it will end there, because he won't release my comments for public viewing. Only his response. Of course, if I ran a liberal blog and riled the constitutionalists to the point of response, then I guess I'd censor the rebuttal, too. Actually, I wouldn't. I'd post them whether I was in the right or wrong.

Personally, I think the dude is short in his thinking and is probably scurrying about trying to find himself or trying to find an appropriate rebuttal, since he's big on attempting to turn my words into his words in claiming such non-sense as "exactly my point."

I'm done with this jackass.

2012 The Mayan Calendar Hoax

2010-05-21T12:45:00.010-05:00

If I am wrong on this, then there will be no one around to say, "I told you so."

There are too many problems in trying to correlate December 20-21, 2012 (winter solstice) of today's calendars with the ancient calendars of the Mayans or any other alleged calendars from antiquity.

First, and most important, did the Mayans begin their calendar somewhere in the middle of Earth time? Could they have possibly known that Earth is some 4.6 billion years old (give or take a millenia)? Or did they begin 13 plus trillion years ago at the beginning of the universe as we know it? Or are they marking since the dawn of Man? Do they even know the date of the dawn of Man? Perhaps they simply started day one at the beginning of the Mayan civilization.

If they knew the end, then they should have known the beginning.

If we can't pinpoint our humaniod beginnings on this planet, then how the hell could we even get started in nailing down the time of our demise? We damn sure don't have a clue about that and we do know some shit. A lot of shit.

See, this whole concept of time is twisted. We've been chasing it since we began our species on this planet. Personally, I think time is a non-existent in that, if I were to carry my watch to Mars, my watch would be so irrelevant that it would be reduced to jewelry and nothing more. This would be true of any point in the universe except here on Earth.

It seems to me that if there were some applicable date pointing to our demise and it could be known thousands of years ahead of time, then it would be based upon something larger than our civilization as a species. It would have to be some sort of universe driven hierarchical sequence laid out by some overlord or deity. I'm pretty sure that the Mayans had no clue that we would all die of AGW or thermo-nuclear war or President Obama or what ever else lies ahead of us.

Let's face it, our killer is not known yet and I doubt the Mayans could possibly know, since it didn't work out very well for them, if they expected to make it to 2012.

I find it difficult to believe that the Mayans would build a calendar out of stone from their beginning to what? Infinity? Hardly. No one could ever illustrate a calender detailing every day from a certain point in time to infinity. Point being, you build what you need for the moment and as time passes, you build the next pages or tablets.

I'm certainly not interested in obtaining a calendar for the year 2020 until I need it. I believe the Mayans, since they were hammering out of stone, probably lived the same way. Never mind that they are now an extinct civilization. If you ask me, I'd say they've already missed the end of their days. They over shot...by a very long way. If they knew about the end of time, then surely they could have predicted the end of, well, the Mayans. Right?

Now, I can understand why others would propagate such a hoax. Look how many have profited from books, movies, etc. Look how many WILL profit over the coming months and years?

My final item of skepticism is that we already know that our calendar is off from all other previous calendars but honestly, no one knows by how far we might off from the ancients. Many believe that the Mayan end correlates to October 2011, other believe we are off by 130 years (I have no clue if we are fore or aft).

Of course, there could be some dark metaphysical black druidian sorcerer with a magical staff made of pure prophecy and oraclical stuff out there who knows for a fact when we will witness the end, but my bet is that he would be mum on the subject until such time that he would maximize his benefit.

Personally, I think there are better calendars to follow than the Mayan's.

Like I said, if I am wrong, then be sure to rub it in my face on 12-22-2012.

While the Rat Spoke...

2010-05-21T06:48:00.004-05:00

...another rat scurries.

As if we didn't already know that the White House had a pest problem?

From Fox News...

"Obama had just begun a Rose Garden statement lauding the end of a Senate filibuster on his financial overhaul when some kind of rodent dashed out of the bushes to his right, just outside the Oval Office."

Now, I don't want to speculate, but plenty of reporters jumped to the clammor...

"Once he was safely inside the Oval Office, a fierce debate erupted among the photographers and reporters who'd witnessed the dash. Was it a rat or a mouse? Or maybe a mole, or some other kind of related creature."

"...safely inside the Oval Office?" Wait...what? Do they seriously consider a rodent, a security threat?

I guess so, if the rat...

...WAS THE FREAKIN' PRESIDENT!!!

Silver Screen Series and Babes of Antiquity

2010-05-20T06:18:00.007-05:00

I wrote this sonnet some fifteen years ago in response to raging epidemic of plastic surgery. I'm not one to favor such surgeries unless there are honest medical reasons behind such decisions. Yeah, there are a few other acceptable reasons, but when a 20 year old goes for it for little reason other than to increase the bust line, then I object.

I just happen to prefer natural.

BABES OF ANTIQUITY

Remember bustle-butted, hanky flips,
and guarded garters, tight below the hips,
When braided corsets forged her hourglass?
The look became her vintage crassy class.

She used these tools to work the hearts of men,
Her aire, pristine and pure, defiled the grin,
Of dapper, derbied gents all tailed and tied,
with Grandpa’s watch still vested by his side.

Today, the gals are golden, all through and through.
The corset's gone, because their breasts are new.
Doc’s vacuum cleaner left no girdle lines,
To show beneath their vane augmented minds.

Those debs of old, though plated, were, oh so bold,
These gals of gold, are solid, but bought and sold.

So, I decided that perhaps I should start my weekly siren photo series. Besides, have you seen some of these silver screen ladies? Crikey!

Siren of the Week - Jean Harlow

2010-05-20T06:07:00.001-05:00

Poem - Ode to the Bonnie McGillacutty

2010-05-19T06:58:00.012-05:00

Aye, I sawr ‘er teesting’ the malt,

With lips o’ sweet nectahr, thar.

And a bosom ample in the fleshy,

Sa’isfaction, if only she wahr bare.

‘Er name esceeps me, but for,

A moment, now, then I tink,

‘Er ample wares o' plenty o’

I call 'er, Tits McGillacutty.

A fine Irish lass she wus,

“Er skin as white as milk.

‘Er treasures did define ‘er.

She peeked uh‘neath me kilt.

Th’ lass MacGillacutty,

With carls in ‘er tressy hair,

She war' a feisty milk maid,

An’ sported a lovely pair.

Found This By Accident, While I was Looking For Cleavage. Yeah, I Don't Get the Connection Either.

2010-05-19T06:31:00.003-05:00

Governor Brewer: Obama, "Comic In Chief"

2010-05-18T13:00:00.005-05:00

In case you missed it.

Brewer responds to the Idiot in Chief.

BofA and Others Offering Reduced Criteria for Illegals? AND, Oklahoma Is More Than OK, AND, I'm Hot for Governor Brewer (and I don't care what she looks like.)

2010-05-18T12:49:00.012-05:00

Bank of America is Racists.

Verified by Snopes...

An individual closes his bank account over Bank of America's lending practices to illegal aliens. This is a verified occurrence according to Snopes.

Bank of America, can I help you?
Customer: Yes, I want to cancel my account. I don't want to do business with you any longer.

The Bank: Why?

Customer: You're giving credit to illegal immigrants and I don't think it's right. I'm taking my business elsewhere.

The Bank: Well, Mr. Customer, we don't want to see you do that, but we can't stop you. I'll help you close the account. What is your account number?

Customer: (gives account number)

The Bank: For security purposes and for your protection, can you please give me the last four digits of your social security number?

Customer: No?

The Bank: Mr. Customer, I need to verify your information, but in order to help you, I'll need verification of who you are.

Customer: Why should I give you my social security number? The reason I'm closing my account is that your bank is issuing credit cards to illegal immigrants who don't have social security numbers. You are targeting that audience and want their business. Let's say I'm an illegal immigrant and you've given me a credit card. I have a question about it and call for assistance. You wouldn't be asking me for a Social Security number, would you?

The Bank: No sir, I wouldn't.

Customer: Why not?

The Bank: Because you would have pressed '2' to speak in Spanish. We don't ask for that information when calling in on the Spanish line.

Keep in mind several banks are using this same practice - Wells Fargo, Citi, etc.

OOOOH-Klahoma Rocks:

Over at Pajamas, there is this:
In 2007, Oklahoma passed an illegal immigrations bill. They did, really. And get this...nobody said a word about it.

"House Bill 1804 was passed by overwhelming majorities in both the House and Senate of the Oklahoma legislature. The measure’s sponsor, State Representative Randy Terrill, says the bill has four main topical areas: it deals with identity theft; it terminates public assistance benefits to illegals; it empowers state and local police to enforce federal immigration laws; and it punishes employers who knowingly hire illegal aliens.

Oklahoma is no longer “O.K.” for illegal aliens, Terrill observes. “When you put everything together in context,” he contends, “the bottom line is illegal aliens will not come here if there are no jobs waiting for them, they will not stay here if there is no government subsidy, and they certainly won’t stay here if they know that if they ever encounter our state and local law enforcement officers, they will be physically detained until they’re deported. And that’s exactly what House Bill 1804 does.”

Care to guess what happened? Well, you can check out the Greenspan graphical version map style showing the progression of unemployment over the difficult time span of the last couple of years, or you can read this:

"Since 1804 passed, Oklahoma has not suffered nearly as much economically as most of the rest of the U.S. In fact, the state can fairly be described, especially on a relative basis, as prosperous."

I don't think I need to go on about this much further, because anyone who might happen by, already knows what would happen if such plans were implemented nationwide. It's no secret, right?...Unless you are one of those who sleep late then get out of bed to little more than to plant your head in the sand.

Either way, go read it. Its worth it if for no other reason than to shove it down the throats of your nearest mind-fucked liberal.

More OOOOh-Klahoma Rocks:
Miss USA is crowned. Yep, there is no end to the prejudice, just ask Miss Oklahoma, Morgan Elizabeth Wollard, the competition's runner up. Actually, Ms. Woollard shot off her foot when she claimed to support states rights and publicly leaned toward support for Arizona in the illegal alien dust up by stating that states should have the right to pass such laws.

Baaad, girl! How dare you state such radical ideology in a public forum.

Meanwhile, Miss Michigan - Rami Fakih, the winner got a softball abortion question:

"Fakih was asked whether she thought birth control should be paid for by health insurance, and she said she believed it should because it's costly."

Well, isn't that profound. If that's not enough, as soon as the competition concluded, the cheesecake photos emerged as they usually do. Miss Fakih (By the way, is that pronounced "Fuckee?" - just curious.)

Arizona rocks, too. Well, Governor Brewer Does Anyway:
Oh, I would be remiss if I ignore the state of the Governor's office in Arizona. Governor Brewer, you rock, lady! Comic in Chief? Priceless.

The Trouble with the Civil War Letters and Texting While Driving

2010-05-17T19:40:00.003-05:00

I stopped with the the Civil War letters for a couple of reason. First, in following the trek of the misfortunes Mr. Burns, I noticed that a couple of letters must have been mis-dated. By that I mean, that Lum had two letters dated 1863 when they obviously had to have been 1862. That being my hypothesis, I stopped until I could confirm the case.

Next, I figure this is not the proper depository for such serious business. Upon much thought or as much as I could fit into 425 seconds, I've decided to start the war letters over in a new all historic blog. Why? Well, simple. Some of what is in the letters is too much for what I intended for this depository. I also believe that they deserve some analysis and commentary. In order to do them some sort of honor, I will post them one at a time with additional factual extrapolations.

However, seriousness aside, there are too many comedic opportunities to be had by placing them in a bucket of mimic and satirical context. THAT, my friends, will be poured out here in this very collection of absent minded bloviated bisque.

The car? Oh, yeah. I saw a texter behind the wheel eat it big time this morning. The idiot was entering the freeway as I sped along in the right lane of three. As I approached the on coming entrance ramp I looked upon the ramp in time to see the car simple right turn off the roadway, down into the ditch, up the other side and into the over growth of bushery and tree.

Once its forward momentum came to a pause, the auto then began to turtle over back into the ditch and onto its top. I saw all the windows explode as I passed. Just passed the entry ramp, there were construction barriers in the form of thick concrete and no, I said no shoulder on which to stop and render aid.

I did the next best thing. I whipped out my archaic, yet still nifty, cell phone.and punched in 9-1-1. A half hour later, I heard the accident reported on the radio and was somewhat relieved that the word fatality was not in the report. Five minutes after that, an officer of the law telephoned me and the inquisition was on. My first question was, of course, "Is the person ok?" after which the officer said the person was fine.

So, the accident was a little disturbing for a spell, but now that I know that he/she is "fine" I can address the idiot as just that, an idiot.

Folks, I don't care how good you think you are at multi-tasking, attempting any sort of multi-task that averts your eyes off the roadway is not only stupid, but potentially deadly. This car was going perhaps 45-50 mph and whether it was texting or a coffee spill, this could have turned out much worse.

I advise all to keep the shenanigans in the blogosphere.

That is all.

I Heart...

2010-05-17T15:04:00.002-05:00

Peppers by the peck...even if Peter (or Pedro) picked them.

Pickled, fried or stuffed...

Played like a pipe...oh yeah.

And sometimes I like even more, dying PETArs. Wait...what?

Leaf Beetles Are of the Devil, But Chili Peppers Are Devine

2010-05-17T04:17:00.010-05:00

Each year for the last four or five years, I have canned (jarred) chili peppers. I grew up on pepper, so I have a very sincere relationship with the green and red meanies. I've eaten plenty of them from all varieties. There are probably only a couple that I won't every eat again. Usually anything from the far east will cause me to avert my attention. I ate one of those Thai peppers that about caught my hair on fire.

I ate a fresh picked scotch bonnet (habanero) once on a drunken bet and I am very cautious of those, too. However, they have such wonderful flavor and are superb in cooking - especially in queso (cheese dip) or Caribbean jerk sauces.

This isn't the exact bug, but its close. One got into my Fresno Chili plant yesterday. Fortunately, I have them in pots and can move them into the garage for a day until I can develop some sort of repellent.

Since I intend on actually using the chilies once they mature, I'll be using some sort of non-chemical solution. I found this over at Garden Guides, so I'll give it a try.

Step 1

Place 1 quart warm water, 1 Tbsp. cayenne pepper and 1 Tbsp. mild liquid detergent in a bowl. Chop the six cloves of garlic and the small onion into small pieces and add to the water in the bowl.

Step 2

Use a plastic spoon to stir your solution together well without bubbling up the dish liquid. Stir the mixture occasionally, every four to five hours, over the course of a day and let it sit overnight.

Step 3

Strain the mix through a mesh strainer into another bowl. Set a funnel over the opening of the spray bottle and pour the liquid portion of the mix into the spray bottle.

Step 4

Spray the undersides and tops of leaves, as well as the stems and anywhere you have seen pests gathering on the tomato and pepper plants. Avoid spraying the actual tomato and pepper fruits themselves. For the most impact, spray the solution in the morning when no rain is expected so the solution is on the plant for as long as possible.

Step 5

Repeat applications with this solution as often as needed to control infestation and keep your plants healthy.

I also saw a male and female version of Carolina Wrens hopping around in search of some sort of bug-eyed creatures. Too bad they didn't eat the a-hole beetle.

I chose the Fresno for a couple of reasons. First being that I don't think I've ever had one. I really wanted to grow something that is a little exotic from what I typically use in cooking. I'm well acquainted with the jalapeno, poblano, bell, anaheim, yellow banana, cherry, serrano, and others.

I was hoping to find a piquin (or one of its Texas native cousins that look like peas or some such). My grandmother use to grow them. Eh, I settled on these.

The Fresno Pepper - Also known as Caribe Guero and Kenyan. This chile is about the same size as a Jalapeño, only with broader shoulders. A bit hotter than the Jalapeño. 75 days to ripen. Plants grow to 30 inches. (Capsicum annuum).

But for now, I have pests to conquer.

Joe Legal vs Joe Illegal - A Lesson in Screwed Governmental Policy

2010-05-16T08:36:00.017-05:00

Shamelessly stolen. I'm not sure of the origin, but I lifted it from

Cmblake6, who is spot on target on all of his current posts.

 No editorializing necessary.

I like this one!

JOE LEGAL vs. JOSE ILLEGAL

You have two families: "Joe Legal" and "Jose Illegal". Both families have two parents, two children, and live in California.

Joe Legal works in construction, has a Social Security Number and makes $25.00 per hour with taxes deducted. Jose Illegal also works in construction, has NO Social Security Number, and gets paid $15.00 cash "under the table".

Ready? Now pay attention...

Joe Legal: $25.00 per hour x 40 hours = $1000.00 per week, or $52,000.00 per year. Now take 30% away for state and federal tax; Joe Legal now has $31,231.00.
Jose Illegal: $15.00 per hour x 40 hours = $600.00 per week, or $31,200.00 per year. Jose Illegal pays no taxes. Jose Illegal now has $31,200.00.

Joe Legal pays medical and dental insurance with limited coverage for his family at $600.00 per month, or $7,200.00 per year. Joe Legal now has $24,031.00.
Jose Illegal has full medical and dental coverage through the state and local clinics at a cost of $0.00 per year. Jose Illegal still has $31,200.00.

Joe Legal makes too much money and is not eligible for food stamps or welfare. Joe Legal pays $500.00 per month for food, or $6,000.00 per year. Joe Legal now has $18,031.00.

Jose Illegal has no documented income and is eligible for food stamps and welfare. Jose Illegal still has $31,200.00.

Joe Legal pays rent of $1,200.00 per month, or $14,400.00 per year. Joe Legal now has $9,631.00.
Jose Illegal receives a $500.00 per month federal rent subsidy. Jose Illegal pays out that $500.00 per month, or $6,000.00 per year. Jose Illegal still has $31,200.00.

Joe Legal pays $200.00 per month, or $2,400.00 for insurance. Joe Legal now has $7,231.00.
Jose Illegal says, "We don't need no stinkin' insurance!" and still has $31,200.00.

Joe Legal has to make his $7,231.00 stretch to pay utilities, gasoline, etc.
Jose Illegal has to make his $31,200.00 stretch to pay utilities, gasoline, and what he sends out of the country every month.

Joe Legal now works overtime on Saturdays or gets a part time job after work.
Jose Illegal has nights and weekends off to enjoy with his family.

Joe Legal's and Jose Illegal's children both attend the same school. Joe Legal pays for his children's lunches while Jose Illegal's children get a government sponsored lunch. Jose Illegal's children have an after school ESL program. Joe Legal's children go home.

Joe Legal and Jose Illegal both enjoy the same police and fire services, but Joe paid for them and Jose did not pay.

Do you get it, now?
If you vote for or support any politician that supports
illegal aliens...
You are part of the problem!

Chili Mac Beret? Not likely. They Might Just As Well Make Them All Powder Pink

2010-05-16T07:33:00.023-05:00

Since Doc Snarky posted this pic with all appropriate verbiage and stuff, I figured I'd just link him up instead of rehashing it.

I wonder when these subversives will become listed in Napalatano's (or whatever the fuck her name is) book of domestic terrorist? - even though most of them are proabably not technically domesticated.

I'd bet biscuits to boots that if the Tea Partiers wore berets, the national guard would be summoned to squealch the uprising. Hell, if they weren't so frenchy gay, I'd go get myself one of them just for a laugh.

Oh, because I'm a curious sort, I figured I'd check up on the History of the Beret. I suspected that since the word is spelled b-e-r-e-t that it must be the softy french that came up with such fashionable runway garb...and in a rare moment of clarity, I was right.

"Although worn as military headgear in ancient Greece, the modern origin of the beret is traced to the Basques, people living on both the French and Spanish sides of the Pyrenees Mountains."

So, I guess that when the Mexicans were beating up the French, they didn't dislike them so bad that they resorted to banishing all things French, but rather adopted the head gear?

Not Mexican and definitely not cool.

Even Che's grand daughter got in on the action.

Ok, a little cool, but he looks better in a helmet or a cowboy hat.

Even the UN is in on the frenchy gay look - one feather away from macaroni (or is it angel hair pasta)?

For me? I'll pass on the beret. Give me a dang ball cap with a schnazzy offensive logo of some sort (American flag) and call it chili-mac.

Although...

There are acceptable exceptions...

Toiling Away The Day, The Day

2010-05-15T10:14:00.005-05:00

Work and research.

That's about it. Even the dart games are suffering. My father has buried me in family historical documents of which I have been reading and researching associated peoples, myths, legends, etc.

Much of our father's heritage goes back to Scotland. I have roots in Massachusetts as early as the 1630s. In the 1700s, David Burns sold the land the federal government on which the White House, The Old State, War and Navy Building, The Executive Building and surrounding grounds now exist.

Apparently, there is a letter form Franklin (or Jefferson) to President George Washington quoting something like, "...the obstinate Mr. Burns...," refuses to sell for a fair price. I've seen an old transcript of the letter, but haven't been able to locate it. Supposedly, the original letter resides at an old museum near the White House and in the same museum, the mantle from the fire place of the Burns' home.

Otherwise, there are connects to the poet Robert Burns in Scotland, but the exact links have not been established. Many family members believe that Robert Burns' offspring bear close resemblance to some of the current alleged descendants - noting a rare-ish chin dimple or some such. The more respected researchers in our family place the connection as a direct line to Robert Burns' grandfather, which is more believable for me since his grandfather spelled his name Burnes as did our earliest American Burnes' settlers.

I guess if you go back far enough most all of us are related in some manner.

Eh, its interesting enough reading material that I have spent what time I have had this week away from occupational work in doing so.

I watched the movie Ride with the Devil last night. Good movie. It's about the Civil War goings on about the Missouri/Kansas borders. The shear brutality by which the people lived 150 years ago seems so foreign to me. Much of what I watched in the movie paralleled the letter transcripts. I enjoyed the movie.

Tobey McGuire played a decent role as did Jewel, the country singer. (I had to chuckle when the house missus said with a feigned note of distress, "They're going to kill Spiderman?")

Obiden Captionitis

2010-05-14T02:27:00.001-05:00

"People. This is a big f'ing deal. If we pass Stimulus, then unemployment will only reach 8%"

Or...
"...as Barack says, a three-letter word: jobs. J-O-B-S, jobs."

The Choom Gang ...Wait...What?

2010-05-14T02:17:00.003-05:00

Choom Gang according to the Urban Dictionary is a Marijuana smoke group.

The Obama White House and Its Sheeple

2010-05-14T02:15:00.002-05:00

Members of the Democratic Boobery

2010-05-14T02:09:00.001-05:00

Civil War Letters from Mother - Sarah Davis (Whitecotton Burns) (Letters 1-3)

2010-05-13T16:01:00.028-05:00

Civil War Letters of Sarah Whitecotton Davis (She was Burns widow before she remarried to Davis) from New Market, Alabama. She was C.C. Burns mother.

I can't describe how impactful these are on several levels. Just...shocking in a way.

Keep in mind that she lived in northern Alabama about 100 miles from the Battle of Shiloh, which took place April 6-7, 1862 and about 120 miles form the Siege of Fort Donelson which took place February 11-17, 1862. the third one was written in the days leading up to the Battle of Vicksburg in December of 1862. Note the letters dates for reference and contrast.

LETTER #1

New Market March 30th 1862

Dear Son

i receved your most welcome letter dated

february the 11 it was six weeks coming i was

very glad to git it and glad to hear you

and georgy was well and gitting along well

and that you are not gone to war yet

for i think those that stays at home will

fare the best in the long run tho it is a

onar [honor] to a man to fight for his cuntry

but i dont think we will hav any cun

try to fight for long i believe the sou-

th is half whiped now and i dont

think it is mutch onar to a man to

fight and git whiped you said you

wanted me to tell you all the news

well i will try to tell you some we

hear so mutch that is not the truth

that i hav almost fell out with the

whole south but there is some truths

and tha [they] are bad a nough i recon you hav

heard of the greate battle at fort donls

ston [Donelson] on cumberlan river in tennessee

[p. 2]

it lasted four days with greate loss

on both sids but our men was out

numberd and had to surender with

the loss of about five hundred killed

and eight thousand taken prisners

among the prisners was severel of the

new market men and boys billy cook

and Jim cook and go [Joe?] cook and

John spels and calvin riner was

taken prisners and sevrel more in the

neighborhood but there was none killed

that i no of chad was in the fight

but the ridgement [regiment] he belong to all

got out safe but a few chad has

been at home cience [since] but is gone a

gain chad is a great solgier the

yankeys has got posesion of tenn

essee i heard to day that tha were

in thirty miles of heare the people

heare are looking for them but tha

may not come and i heard to day

the people was leaving huntsville

but i do not now how true it is

there has been thousands of our tro

ops left entirely and tennessee

[p. 3]

and came down through heare going

below to memphis and missi

ppi tha think there will be a greate

battle down there before long the riv

ers is fool of yankees and all i hav

to say about it is first what i said

twelve months a go tha out [ought] to let

old abe alone you said you wanted

to now where milton ross was

i receved a letter from him cience chr

istmass he was at home then cick [sick]

but was gitting better he said he was

coming to see me before he left

home again but he has not come

i do not now where he is now as

the troops is shifting about so m

utch he said he left short fat and

harty he did not say any about

brother Jim and his boys and i dont

know any thing about them he said

his mother had been cick and all the

family and that tha were in a

bad fix i answered his letter but

hav got no answer tha had not

[p. 4]

been in any battle yet i expect if

John wheeler is a live he has passed

through hear as all the troops that

was about nashville has come down

through hear

well now i will tell you how

i am gitting along tho i hardly

know myself you wanted to now

what negros i got i had the choice

of one and i took anjaline one of

maryes gerls 73 years old valued

at seven hundred dollars and tha

gave me Edmond 79 years old

valued at 1 thousand dollars

and i will git three hundred doll

ars which will make the fift [fifth?] of

them porter got caroline 75 years

old valued at 900 and seventy five

dollars he gits twenty five dollar,

which will make his shear my dowery

is laid off and i hav set in to farming

reed Davis and Cole is hear and we are

all working to geather tha rented the ba

lance of the land i intend to sell out

next fall if i can and go to texas i hav

not room to rit any more We are all well

Write Soon Sarah Davis

LETTER #2

New Market Ala July 17th

[1862 per Bess Nichols, but no mention of the war]

Dear Son and Daughter

i expect you want to hear from old

alabama and how i am gitting a-

long now the cholery has subsided

in huntsville but the cholaramorbus

is prity bad yet in the cuntry

i think we are going to hav a greade

al [great deal] of cickness hear this summer i

hav never heard how menny died in hun

tsville but there has been a good menny

i hav got well at last but it is on-

ly a few days that i hav felt well

well i receved your letter the same

day i put one in the ofice for you

you said you had had rain for two

weeks it seems as if it was a general

rain from hear to texas tho your

rain was two weeks before the rain

hear we hav had some prety weather

[p.2]

tell now we had a big rain day before

yestrday and one yestrday and it is

now a thundring and i expect another

if it keeps on the negros will have

to lay buy in the grass tha thought

tha would git over the cotton the

second time this week but tha can

not work the cotton looks very well

but the corn is no acount it has not

been plowed but twice it is grassy

and weedy and yellow—

lum i want you to tell me what

time you expet to come next fall

so i may now [know] what to do with my

place but i cant leave hear

tell [till] the cotton is picked out and that

well be near chrestmass unless i se

ll it in the field i hav never

got my monny from that man

and i do not know that i will

he is broak tha say and it not

worth while to sue him i tell

you lum there is not manny

[p. 3]

honest people in this cuntry

tha are not like tha use to be

i would rather live in a German

cuntry than to live hear you hav

to watch near every body

if Carly makes a prety good crop

of cotton and it is a good price

i will hav monny a nough to

take me to texas and bare your

expence back if you come

ruben has three bails to sell

and i git the fourth of them

i hate the thought of you sp

ending monny to come after me

but you alway said you wanted

to see old alabama again

write often your Mother
Sarah Davis
well georgia i hav no good

news to tell you and i am afaid [afraid]

i wont hav the balance of this

year only i feel tolarable well

and i hope i may remain so for

[p. 4]

health is the greatest blessing

we hav or should ask my gardan

has gone to weeds and grass i hav

not been able to work it and i

did not git to dry any apples tha

were gitting ripe when i took cick

there was not menny this year so tha

were all gone befor i got able to

dry any there is no peaches at all

and i hav not had a black beary

pie i had several rasbearee [raspberry] pies

before i got cick i hav plenty

beans and irish potatos and tomatos

i want to git my gardan cleared

off and sow turnips in it if

i can i hav rosting ears but

i am a fraid to eate them i plan

ted a little patch of corn in the

gardan it is the finest on the

place write often. your your Mother

LETTER #3

New Market Ala Oct 19th 1862

Dear Son once more i seete

my self to write to you a gain

it has been a long time [since] i hav heard

from you but the mails has started

again and i hope we can git letters

a gain from eachother i sent you

a letter just before the yankees ca

me in to huntsville and i fear you

never got it we hav had troublesome

times heare this summer i asure you

i wonder if tha hav been in your

cuntry i hope tha hav not tha sta

id [stayed] four months in huntsville

and hav been all through the cunt-

ry lum i never expected i would

hav to move my thing out of my

house to cep [keep] them from being bu

rnt up but i had it to do but

tha did not come but tha hav bu

rnt sevrel of the youses [houses] in the

neighborhood and destroyed a grea

deal [great deal] of property in this cuntry

i canot tell all that has hapend

[p. 2]

ceince i wrote to you last but

it has been a perpiteuel exceitme

nt [excitement] all the time there has been

two little fights not fur from

hear one on harican the other about

four miles a bove hear our men

a bout one hundred in number run

up on a hole brigade of yankees

and fired on them and run away

a gain tha killed the yankee Genral

and sevrel more but tha could

not tell how many as tha took them

of [off] with them there has been thousa

nds of them in new market passin

g through from huntsville to win

chester tha would camp there some

times and stay a two or three days

and then tha would kill hogs gees

chickens turkeys calves and but

tha never came to see me but two days

and tha did not take any thing i

had two turkeys i gave them

somphing to ate and treated them as

well as i could for fear tha would

take something lum that is the

[p. 3]

best yay [way] to git a long with them

though it was a gainst my feelings

but thank god tha are all gone fro

m hear now tho tha say there is a

greate many of them in missippi

and west tennessee yet—

well lum i am not started to te

xas yet and cannot git off this

year as times is so people cant git

no where there is nobody going to

texas this year and times is so hard

i dont how people is to live

any where if the war last mutch

longer salt is selling at tenn dollars

a bushel and bacon twenty two dollars

for a hundred pounds and every thing

els acordon [according] i canot tell you what

i will do yet but i think i will

rent my place to reed and move

over a bout your aunt nances and stay

there till next fall and mabe i will

git off then i hav made corne a nough

to do me this year but not mutch cot

ton but i can git a good price for

this year

[p. 4]

we are all well at present but ma

ma she is about like she allays is

but we hav had a gradeal of cickness

in the famley this year Coles negro

woman died i am fixing to go down

to woodville to see how tha are all

gitting [along] there i heard brother Jims

house had been burnt by the

yanks i hav not had a letter from

none of them this summer but i hav

heard from Pete Whitecotton sevrel

times he has been killing yankees

like squirals tha say he has killed

about forty ceince he came home

he killed fifteen at one time with

a bottle of strichnine and killed

two men for telling the yankees

where he was he is in the servis a

gain i am a fraid you are gone to

ware but if you aint stay at ho

me as long as you can i do want to

see you and georga so bad but i

fear it will be a long time befor

i see you unles you come and see

me i must come to a close for

this time i hope to git a letter from

you shortly gav [give] my love to georgyana

farwell

Write soon, Sarah Davis

Shocking New Letters....AND a Photo.

2010-05-13T15:51:00.004-05:00

Seems my pops has been holding out on me. Got new email today.

C.C. Burns (author of the letters) lived to be 86 years old. It just occurred to me that I actually new his daughter Helen, who was my great, great grandmother. For some reason, I never put the connection together. Helen lived to be 91 and passed in 1975. I remember the funeral when I was 13 years old.

The shocking new letters where written by this man's mother, Sarah Whitecotton Burns. all I can say is I think I knew where that new txt'g language originated. I'll post them as they were sent to me. The near illiteracy plus the absolute shocking subject matter let me sitting here with my mouth hanging wide open.

I had to sort of laugh at the notion that when she got to the end of each line, she simply moved to the next line regardless of where she was in the last word. Yeah, she was borderline illiterate, but when I consider what all she'd done in her life, I still can't help but respect her for making it to about double the life expectancy of the women of her time.
There are only three letters, but day-um!

Wait...What?

2010-05-12T17:53:00.010-05:00

I have to admit that the latest round of "Wait...what?" exclamations has had me rolling.

There are a few classic examples of such emergency break moments in the Civil War letter that I have been posting. Believe me, if my great, great grandfather had any clue that I would be reading these letters, much less posting them on the Internet, I'm sure he would have been more careful.

I mean, think about it. You are at war. You are losing your sanity. You are writing weird stuff to your brand new wife.

You never, in your most imaginative dreams, think that somebody else 150 years later will be reading them aloud to anyone who happens by to listen.

My favorite e-break moments so far...

"We have all kinds of vegetables now but we have no one cooking them good. They buried another man yesterday." ...Wait...what?

To his wife: "You said if you had me there, how you would bite, and kiss me so, oh how I long to see the happy day come when we may bite, kick, and romp and wallow over the old house and bed. Oh those sweet happy heavenly blissful days. May God spare us to see such again; the pleasure would be twice as great as it was to be." ...Wait...what?

To his wife: "This Thursday 23rd and I am well and hearty and stout enough to wallow any woman that don’t weigh over one hundred and twenty three. Don’t you think I could?" ...Wait...what?

"I can’t go naked. You wanted me to name your filly. Name her Mit and name Betties colt Dink." ...Wait...what?

"He was shot with a shotgun. One shot in the head, one in the shoulder, one through the liver, and one in the wrist. He is not dead yet, some think that he will live.". ...Wait...what?

Civil War Letters - 1863 - C.C "Lum" Burns (Letters 10-14)

2010-05-12T13:27:00.035-05:00

LETTER #10

Rusk, Cherokee Co. Texas - April 2, 1863

My Dear Georgia

With great pleasure I write you to let you know where I am, how I am getting along. I arrived at this the ugliest town in Texas, on the last day of March. I got here in time to see Jones the adjutant; he left yesterday the first of April, the day appointed to leave. Capt. Pool had gone on to keep the boys from being dismounted. Jones told me I could stay 2 or 3 days and rest Saxon, which he needs. I walked him over 40 miles the last 2 days.

It suits me very well to stay here as I found my old friend Ricketts here. I tell you it was almost like meeting my parents. I have almost talked myself to death since I got here. I have enjoyed myself fine. I assure you, they was much surprised to see Lum. The old man and lady wants to move west but the boys are doing well here. The oldest boy is over 40 the other has a stage line which exempts him from the war.

This town is in the ugliest place I ever saw, in the pine hills. I can’t see how they live here. I met 2 or 3 boys on furlough going back after horses. I met one of Carter’s men, he told me that the troops was all going in to Missouri, he said that the boys was exchanged and would be at Pine Bluff by the time I got there. The stage brought in good news last night, six gunboats tried to pass Vicksburg we sunk one and one passed but was torn almost to pieces. The rest skedaddled. Each boat had 400 Yanks on it, so 400 went to the bottom of the Mississippi. I wonder if Mrs. Hargrove won’t cry when she gets that good news.

I leave here in the morning I expect I will stay a day or so in Carthage, Mathew’s brother is there. I have a lonesome time traveling by myself. They say I will have to pay from 3 to 5 dollars per night from here on. It will push me to have money enough to take me through.

The Yankees passed through Claysville where I was raised near the Tennessee River. There is a high bluff in sight of old McKees, the graveyard was on it, all the people that died in Claysville and Guntersville was buried there. That bluff overlooks Guntersville on the opposite side of the river. The Yankees planted their batteries on that hill and shelled the town killing women and children they did not give any notice to the people. They burnt most everything in the county. The boys, most of whom I knew, formed themselves into a bushwhacking comp. They killed about 3000 of the devils. I guess Peter Whitecotton was one of them. I want to see you worse than I ever did. You must answer me, direct yours to Pine Bluff I am well body but low in spirits. Good Georgy goodbye. I will write the first opportunity.

Give my respects to all.
Your Lum

LETTER #11

Fort Pleasant - May 16, 1863

Dear Good Sweetness,
Fort Pleasant is pleasantly situated on a pleasant little eminence covered with pleasant shades where the very few pleasant people can sit and talk pleasantly to their pleasant comrades about the [indistinguishable] seen in their pleasant days of their youth, while the pleasant breeze, which is pleasantly everywhere at this very pleasant time of the year at the pleasant so called Fort Pleasant keep their pleasant brows cool while they [indistinguishable] their pleasant themes.[indistinguishable] The appondages appertainces and appliances and mixing Sunday pleasantly together or would think (that was not here), that the pleasant little Arkansas was a very pleasant country especially the little fort, Fort Pleasant.

If there is anything there it must be pleasant misery.

I have heard of such a thing and it is right here at Fort Pleasant. Well Georgia, I will have to drop my pleasing theme and write you something pleasant to read for I know you are tired of so much pleasantry. Since I have got acquainted with the people the time passes off miserably well.

We have the report here that Gen. Churchill and about 200 other officers have been exchanged; and Churchill will take command of his old Division. If that be the case, I will get to go to Red River and be a little closer to you, but I am afraid I will be dismounted. McMaster offered 500 dollars for Saxon yesterday but I put spurs to him and in an instant was out of all temptation. I expect I will take yet. I can get a very young horse that is not broke for $200.00 – 300.00 and a big boot. I made application for money but can’t get it. Old fool Holmes issued orders against any more of the Post soldiers. The other detail got theirs but I was too late. I only have $10.00 left. If Churchill gets back I will get it, but not before. If I had any way to send you a present, I would have got you the prettiest pony I ever saw. They asked $250.00.

We are living tolerably well now. We have a barrel full of corn but [when] we got the barrel at the company, it had molasses in it. We got out of it almost eight pounds of the nicest rock candy I every saw. I expect 20 pounds in the barrel will make our beer so sweet we can hardly drink it.

If I knew the names of your Pa’s relatives in Missouri I would write to them. The next time you write to me write me something pleasing and I will write you something pleasant (from Mt. Pleasant). I have not got any letter yet. I want one so bad. Give my love to all. Direct to Pine Bluff, 24th Cavalry.

Your,
Lum

LETTER #12

Shreveport, Louisiana - June 27th, 1863

Dear Georgia,

I seat myself to write you again though I hardly know what to write or what to think of you not writing to me but I can’t help thinking that you have not received my letters. This is the [indistinguishable] letters I have written to you and have not got any from you yet. It looks like William thinks more of me than you do as I got one from him yesterday. He said nothing about you or about home. He said that he saw Dick Walker since I was in Nacogdoches. He said that Dick praised my name. [indistinguishable] did not sign that and any thing about me, well I haven’t cried about it if he didn’t.

I am here in the army black and dirty. I didn’t expect any praise from those fine dressed rich scamps who I am fighting for. The reason that I am so dirty is that I am too lazy to wash and I can’t hire it done, though I expect to clean up some of these days. As an old lady said, my clothes should be fixed up tomorrow. Speaking of ladies, I can say that these ladies are the most patriotic ladies I ever saw. They have fixed up hospitals themselves, tended to the sick like they were their own brothers. It was a hard matter to get one in the house in Texas. I believe the Texans are the most selfish people in the world.

Our boys are still sick. Twenty-six of our company answered to their names this morning, 4 of the Regiment died this morning and 2 yesterday and another one was shot yesterday. I saw him fall. He was shot with a shotgun. One shot in the head, one in the shoulder, one through the liver, and one in the wrist. He is not dead yet, some think that he will live. The one that shot him, took the advantage of him, the one that fired the shot was caught. They have got him under guard. One of the boys that died last night is my friend Rueben that I told you about seeing in Richmond [Texas] as I came from Houston.

The Yanks have not come to Shreveport yet and I don’t think they will. I don’t know when we will leave here. Our Capt. told me this morning that he thought we would leave for Little Rock soon. I believe [indistinguishable] Georgia I want you to write to me one time. I don’t think I shall write any more until I get one from you, it hurts me bad, very bad because I have not heard from you. Give my respects to all and you my dear good sweet Georgia receive a full portion of my best love. Write, write, write, one good sweet letter to your little-----

C.C. Burns

P.S. June 29th. Since the above was written, Dr. Bolden has got in and brought your good sweet kind gentle loving letter. I received it about sunset yester-eve. I know not in what manner to tell you how I felt when I found that it was from my dear good sweet little Georgia, one that I value above all other perils upon this old world of trials, there is one thing certain after I read your letter, I was filled with new life. I hardly slept a wink last night. I was so glad to hear that you was enjoying such fine health.

We have all kinds of vegetables now but we have no one cooking them good. They buried another man yesterday. I went to see Rueben buried, he was buried with another man in the same grave. It was the most awful and sublime and affecting thing I ever saw. We have a band of music, which played one of the most solemn tunes I ever heard. I tell you it is disheartening to see so many of our brave boys dying. You said that you wanted me to get a discharge. I can’t get one for I am about the only one that is able for duty, so you see that it is impossible for me to get off. I got a letter from your Pa also, he said you cried every mail day. Now you may not cry for I will write often. You must forgive me for the way I talked about you not writing to me.

LETTER #13

Shreveport, Louisiana - July 5, 1863

My Dear good sweet little Georgia,
I seat myself to write to you once more in the shade of Louisiana. We leave here next Tuesday for Little Rock. Our Major has returned and brings marching orders. We are under General Hindman now. We will mix with the Yanks in less than 3 weeks but we are going to see hard times we believe. I live on half rations. Some of the boys think they are seeing hard times now, but our Major says we are living happy. Col. Wilkes says he is going to start to Richmond [Virginia] tonight for the purpose of getting the bounty and our wages (this is a pretty time to start on the matter). Three of the company say they won’t move until they get their pay. The devil will be today here, I expect. I reckon those that are willing to go will have to arrest those that are not. I am willing to go but I am not going to have anything to do with it.

Capt. Taylor went to Alexander and took 2 steamboats that came from New Orleans, they were loaded with lead and powder and 19 yds. of towels and 500 yds of good cloth and 8,000 yds of good linens and other little tricks too tedious to mention - the ones that we could trade. So our Regiment has got into the Yanks already. I forget how much the cargo was worth. You said that you thought that peace would be made soon but I hardly think so for they keep on fighting. We had some talk of an armistice but that’s all hushed now. Our Brigade will scout all the time. The orders say we will not stop any time at Little Rock. We will go in to Missouri. I mean we will be turned into guerillas. I think I’ll make a good one.

Miss Legg didn’t deceive me much. Oh Georgia, I wish I could send you some apples. We are getting now where we can get fruit as Mrs. Hairgroves says. Never saw the like of plums in my life. We have as much sugar as we can waste so we keep a good supply of preserves on hand, so well as any woman can make. We have flour and all manner of vegetables. The crops are almost ruined for want of rain. The Major says they are literally burnt up in Arkansas. I am afraid we are to suffer next year. Only four of our mess able for duty and Hairgrove finished and one of our Company has gone to his eternal-resting place. He was an old man only about 28 years old.

The health of our Regiment is better than it was when I wrote to you last week. I sent my last letter by hand to Columbus. I don’t know whether you will get it or not. I am in fine health. Give my love to all; tell Mary I will soon be when I can have an opportunity of selling the Yanks.
Your true husband,

Your Lummy

C.C. "Lum" Burns' History - A Perspective and Some Contrast

2010-05-12T06:27:00.026-05:00

Christopher Columbus Burns was born in 1833 in northern Alabama (Claysville), near what is now Huntsville, AL. He had two brothers, one died as an infant and the other, Stephen, went on to open a print shop and become something of an artist as some of his paintings were sent to his mother after her move to Texas.

Lum's father was among the first settlers in Alabama and became the first tailor in the first county seat in the state. His father, Tilghman Hardy Burns (married to Sarah Whitecotton) was killed in the streets of Claysville trying to collect a debt from one of his former customers. It began as an argument, but turned violent as T.H. Burns apparently drew his side arm on a man called Eli Feemster and was subsequently shot in a case documented in the county record as self defense.

Lum was only six years old when his father was killed - his brother eight years old at the time. By this age, Lum witnessed his little brother die as an infant and his father only a few years later. His widow mother had plenty of family around the county, so she wasn't alone in raising her two boys.

At 13 years old, Lum defended his mother as a man came to collect some sort of debt from her - probably a mortgage payment. The man was not accepting of Sarah's claim of not having the money to pay the debt. As the story goes, he grabbed at her, tearing her dress open and exposing her to some degree. The man then began to "take at her". It is accepted that she was being sexually assaulted. Lum reacted by striking the man from behind with a long piece of metal (probably a lead water pipe) until the man was dead.

One of Lum's cousins, Peter Whitecotton, was very active in the Civil War as a Yankee train robber. His role in the war was to spy behind enemy lines, locate and secure weapons, ammunition and anything else of value. It is said that, had Peter not been captured and hanged by the Yanks and had the South won the war, Peter would have been recognized as a war hero, because of the success in his missions.

Sometime between 1840 and 1855, Lum's mother and small family, moved to south central Texas and settled in a town called Columbus (on the Colorado River, between Houston and San Antonio). Texas in 1850 was about as rough as any area on the continent. Keep in mind that Texas won its independence from Mexico May of 1836 and statehood in April of 1845, so there really wasn't much, if any, civilization in the state at the time.

Lum married in October of 1861 and only a few months later in the spring of 1862, enlisted in the Confederate States of America. His enlistment apparently had nothing to do with any political issue other than he had a rather extended family in Alabama and considered that to be his home. He mentions in one of his letters that he would rather fight the Yanks than to have them step onto his home land. So, to him, long before the war, there was a real view that the eventual secession was a formality and the South had already viewed itself as a, more or less, sovereign republic of sorts.

There are some stories out there passed down through the family that Lum was wounded and captured, then subsequently held in an Illinois prison camp. Upon release, he allegedly returned home in Alabama (then to Texas) on foot. Lum never mentions this in his letters. His letters were fairly consistent though out the war with the last one being sent after the war was over. I believe that these stories apply to one of his relatives or his brother-in-law William Walker. I should also mention that Lum's brother, Stephen, was killed in Tennessee at the Battle of Shiloh.

While I find it intriguing that Lum's written reaction, in Letter #8, to the death of his first son was short, I think he spent a couple of days thinking and grieving about it, before writing back to Georgianna. Also, I expect that, by this time in his life, he was hardened to human death.

You know, we take for granted much of what we have in this modern world. I am continually amazed at the level of entitlement that many Americans expect. I was thinking yesterday about all of the lawsuits, the bickering over health insurance and how there is a significant percentage of the country that believes that health care is a right. I also find it beyond comprehension that these same people claim how hard their lives are, yet, none of them have the moral decency to do anything about their plight. Rather they expect the government to step in and live their lives for for them.

I have kept up with the History Channel's America: The Story of Us because I found the trailers to be enticing enough to do so, but I can't help but become disgusted at how our history is being portrayed. I find it slanted and indoctrinating to an unfathomable level. One has to do little more than read some of the preserved letters written by those who actually experienced the history first hand to appreciate the shear tenacity these people had for life itself.

I was reading some other documents on the many Pilgrim ships that came to America around 1620-1650. There are letters about this time in our history as well. I'd guess that at least fifty percent of all the people during the first few years of the migration died within the first year of their arrival. Yet, they kept coming for another few decades, ship after ship after ship.

In Lum's words, he mentions how futile life appeared to be for his countrymen at the time of his newborn's death.

"I was sorry, very sorry to hear of his death, but probably it is better off for there is no telling what is to become of us for I begin to think this will be a war of extermination."

I fear that if America continues on it's path of apathy and the expectation of entitlements that we may very well indeed be on the path to our own extermination. One has to look no further than what is happening in Europe and the direction of our own country to consider the possible consequences.

As reportedly inspired as the Union was in fighting to free the southern slaves during the war, it seems to be just as inspired to enslave its people today.

I sincerely hope that we, as Americans, can buck up and strengthen our resolve, because if we don't, there may not be much of a future for the land of the free - or at least a freedom in the land.

Side note on the baby's death:
I looked up the infant mortality rate for the 1860s. About 182 out of 1000 babies born in this decade died before the age of 4 years old. I suspect that the number would have been higher had the men fighting the wars been home to propagate. In the 1850s the infant mortality rate was about 212, so that lends some credence to my suspicion.

I also suspect that since this is a national average, with families living in unsettled areas of the US, the average would be much higher, especially those living in war torn states. I would believe that in unsettled Texas that the number would probably be closer to 300/1000 (or higher) or about a third of all births. Keep in mind that Yellow Fever, Measles, Small Pox were all epidemic and deadly during these times. Lum mentioned in one of the letters that there was a soldier or two dying every day from Measles. Also, complications and infections from Malaria, Dysentery, Pneumonia, etc. took tolls on the lives of people living in crowded and unclean environments.

I imagine that settling the wild frontiers without any access to medical treatment left death a common event in all people's lives whether it be infant or otherwise and consequently easier to accept than it might be today.

Stay tuned - there are many more letters to come.

Civil War Letters - 1862 - C.C. Burns (Letters 8 & 9)

2010-05-11T17:51:00.007-05:00

.
LETTER #8

Tuesday Oct. 21, 1862

My Dear good sweet little Georgia,

I received your good letter day before yesterday, dated 12th, Sept., which brought me the sad news of our little baby’s death. I was sorry, very sorry to hear of his death, but probably it is better off for there is no telling what is to become of us for I begin to think this will be a war of extermination.

I see that Old Link is impending the infernal Dutch to help him out, which shows that the North can’t whip us by them selves. I was sorry to hear of you having the whopping cough. I hope my little sweetness will be well when she gets this. I want her to keep her spirits up and not let every little thing pester her. You said if you had me there, how you would bite, and kiss me so, oh how I long to see the happy day come when we may bite, kick, and romp and wallow over the old house and bed. Oh those sweet happy heavenly blissful days. May God spare us to see such again; the pleasure would be twice as great as it was to be.

I have not weighed lately but think I weigh about 140 pounds. All the boys say that I am fat. My whiskers are about 2½ inches long, my mustache ain’t much. I don’t believe you would claim me if you was to see me now. I am so near barefooted that I am exempt from duty. I am sorry that Hargrove could not bring me anything, his old wife is a bitch, might have let him bring me something. Some of the boys of Capt. Michaels company got in today. They say that Hargrove started two days before they did. I can’t see what keeps them; they ought to have been here on the 15th as they will be considered deserters.

I have looked every minute since I got your letter for him. I came so I could get your likeness. Oh how I do want to see it. I tell you if ever I get in a fight and have it with me, I will fight mighty hard to keep a Yank from getting it. Talking about fighting, I don’t believe Old Garland will every let us go where there is any fighting to be done, but will keep us here in this poor stinking sickly country that Old Link says he won’t have if he whips us. They are trying their best to starve us but we won’t starve where there is so many hogs. We don’t have salt half the time. Our beef is so poor that you can throw it against a tree and it will stick to it. Yesterday some of the boys took a bone on his plate that had about a spoon full of fly blows on it, he threw them off and eat ahead. You can guess whether we get enough or not by that.

I got a letter from William [Walker] when I got yours. He said that you thought so much of my letters that you would not let him see them, you are right, don’t let any one see them. Tell your Ma I wish I had a suit of her own make, for it is doubtful about us getting any thing soon. I hope you have gotten the letter I sent by Mr. Glass. He is ordered back and will probably not bring any thing with him if he don’t, I don’t know what I am to do for clothing. I shall stop until tomorrow, good evening.

Oct. 23, 1862 (Cont’d.) – page 2

Well, my good Dear little Georgia, I did not write as I said I would, for the reason that I had to stand guard. But now I am in for trying to fill up this sheet for of all things I do not like a piece of a letter. This Thursday 23rd and I am well and hearty and stout enough to wallow any woman that don’t weigh over one hundred and twenty three. Don’t you think I could? You can say I can’t, but if you had seen me have a hold of a great big man the other day you would think I was something. It was about cooking. One of our mess, a little fellow who was cooking, went to pour water in some peas. When the big fellow grabbed the oven to pour them out, when I grabbed him by the collar and told him that the little fellow should pour the water in the peas and that he should not pour the peas out. He rose and started to pull off his coat. I followed suit, but he gave up before he got his coat off. I have had 3-4 little fusses since I left home.

One of your namesakes Mr. Bob Walker talked of shooting me for shaking him about, for slapping your Saxon [Lum's horse]. You better think you had to pester Saxon while I had him. I hope you will have him as well attended to as Dick can do it. Don’t let him be sold if you can help it. Keep him for your own riding. Think how I looked on his back and him prancing so pretty. I felt proud of him. I expect when I come back I’ll put you on Old Bet and I’ll get on Saxon and laugh at you, don’t you recollect how I laughed at you on old Bet. It won’t do for me to think of those happy days. I only have the consolation of a good happy time in the past, if I do have to endure a miserable future. There is a faint hope of peace now and it is the first time I have felt like there would ever be peace anymore.

Tell every person they have my best wishes. Tell Scates that I would give anything to be with him this winter to kill hogs, but I guess I’ll kill my share of hogs. Tell Mary not to despair of getting married. Tell her that when this Reg. gets into a fight, the North is bound to give up, especially if the Yanks see me.

You must write to your little man often and not keep him in suspense so much.

                              Your Little Lum

LETTER #9
Nov. 6th, 1862 – [page 1 missing]

Nov. [day unknown] – Page 2

My Dear Georgia,

When I started this letter I thought it would have been read by you by this time but I had no way of sending it until now. I have nothing of interest to add. We are on 4 days rations now. we don’t exactly know where we are going but I think to Pine Bluff. I have been on picket duty ever since I commenced this.

Georgia, if Scates comes by, get him to go by the tan yard and get me a pair of boots. He knows what I want to get. I see no chance of getting home. I am the raggedest man you ever saw. I do not know what I am to do. I have to do something rash. I can’t go naked. You wanted me to name your filly. Name her Mit and name Betties colt Dink. I have a good notion of going to Gallispies, I might get to go home. Give my love to all.

                               I remain yours,
                                Lum

Economics in Obama's America

2010-05-11T14:02:00.003-05:00

I got this in email. I've never seen a better illustration of how Obama hoodwinks the average American than the way this college student describes Obamanomics.

Check this from Wimp Dot Com.
(be sure to have your sound on)

Now, we all know that it's Bush's fault...or do we?

Chuck Green knows something about that though.

(click to read)

Songs That Mean Things...

2010-05-11T09:03:00.009-05:00

I stole the title from Armed Geek. In fact, when he posted this, I clicked the comment box probably three or four times over a day or two time period, but never wrote anything. I meant to, just didn't really have the words. It took me a bit to go back and dig it up on his blog, but I finally found it. I had forgotten that it was posted on my father's birthday, which made the post sobering enough.

Thanks, ArmedGeek, for posting it and for spurring thought inside me.

To the point, songs that mean things. I have one. This one.

I've been married forever it seems, May 31st will be twenty-five years to be exact. This song will always bring me back to her no matter where I am when I hear it...and it will always remind me to do what I have to do.

Civil War Letters - 1862 - C.C. Burns (Letters 4-7)

2010-05-11T06:33:00.005-05:00

LETTER #4

Pine Bluff Ark Sept 1st 1862

My Dear Georgia

I received your Pa’s letter by yesterdays mail dated July 27th which brought me the glorious news of the new born Stonewall Jackson. I could hardly sleep last night for thinking of him & you. Oh but I would give millions to be there. to heare the little fellow yell & scream, your Pa said that he was a screamer but I am affraid you all will have him spoiled to death. I want you to give me a description of him when you write, and tell me all the different names suggested for him to bear, I don’t know that I will let him be christened Stonewall yet, but think the name tolerable appropriate for the times, tell me the name you have picked out, the one Mary has and your Ma’s, then I will tell you mine. I am affraid we will load him down with big names, but I guess he is a pretty strong compound. You must take good care of him and not spoil him.

While I am way out here in this low ground of sorrow sickness & death, while I am writing the band is playing a march to the burial of one of the poor soldiers who died yesterday. I tell you Georgia a person can get hardened to any thing, at first when one of the soldiers died it was hard to get to see him, but now when one dies every thing goes on just as if all were well they hardly inquire who it is that’s dead. we have lost 3 out of our company.

I believe our company is in tolerable good health. I see them marching with a poor fellow belonging to Garlands Regiment I tell you it makes me think many things. We have been here about 4 weeks we are stationed in 10 miles of Pine Bluff I have not seen the city yet & don’t care to see it much. I never leave camps I have been out less than any person else. I don’t like the strict orders that we have to comply with since we got under Garlands command. The most of the boys have been under guard and on 2 days duty but me. it makes the boys very mad to have to work 2 days. I mean we will all have plenty work to do as this is I expect our place for the winter. I would rather fight every day than to stay here and work every other day. But I guess I will have to work all times, fight none.

Most all of our men are here now. the boys that went to White River has got in. One of them had his horse taken from him. he was sick at a house and the Yankees came in and asked him if he was not a Texian. he told them no. They took his horse any how, there was 60 of them and about 1500 of the Yanks, they got in about half mile of each other. Then both fled, Yanks one way. Texians the other, so no person got hurt.

There is no chance of ever being remounted. tell me how my horse looked when he got home and how you like him, if he got there at all. We are out from under the great General Carter at last thank the heavens. Col Wilkes is very much liked by the boys He says that we will get our enemy. It cant come too soon for me. as I am almost barefooted.

Wm wrote to me that he was glad that I was on the march to win some glory as he could not because he had to stay in Texas. Here I am in the pine woods after marching over 500 miles inch by inch, in 4 months, which looks very much like winning something. Tell him that I hope the day is not far distant when I may have the satisfactions of peeping along my old Enfield rifle at one of the Blue Bellies [word blotted out]. Our shotguns will be taken from us and Enfield rifles put in their places. Mr. Cunerth [?] got a letter from Fayetteville, which said that there was many conscripts there and some had deserters.

I want you to tell me all about who is conscripts and deserters. tell Scates to write to me and tell the Dr and family they have my unbounded thanks for their kindness to you, I wrote to your Pa a few days since. I was sick when I received his letter. but when I read his letter and found that I was blessed with a young Stonewall and that John was well. I got entirely well and feel that I could withstand as many Battles as did Marshall Ney in France.

I'm not tolerable to wait to see my little Clay Stonewall or whatever he may be christened. Give My love to all. Tell them to write to me And you My Sweet, Good little,” lovely Wife, Kiss the Dear “little” Baby Boy.

Think your affectionate “little” Man.

Lum

P.S. I burned my fingers this morning trying to make coffee we have had coffee most of the time, beef all the time. flour most of the time, bacon some times, lard no times and sugar all times. We live tolerable well. But we have a hard time getting tobacco. You ought to see the boys drying green leaves to chew and smoke. I saw a fellow take a chew off a leaf that had just then pulled off of the stalk. Kiss the Boy again. C C Burns

LETTER #5

Pine Bluff, Arkansas

September 7, 1862

Dearest Georgia,

Having an opportunity to send a letter by hand, I concluded to write again. I wrote a few days since but think it probable this may reach you first. I received your Pa’s letter dated 27th of July bringing me the glorious news of the newborn Stonewall. I am happy to hear that you and he are well. Oh I was so anxious to hear from you.

I have studied so much about any present condition it almost runs me crazy. But hearing from you and knowing that we was blessed with a little Boy, makes me feel like I could stand a winter at the North Pole with only a single blanket (for that’s all I have) and fight a battle every day. Kiss the little fellow but don’t wake him up.

Mr. Glass starts back in a day or two to buy our winter clothing. It is probable that he may be at our house. I want you to fix up my big coat and send it to me and send me a quilt or blanket and a pair of shoes and a pair of pants if you can get them conveniently.

I have no news of interest. I hear in camp that the Quarter Masters are ordered not to buy any more leaves than will last 60 days. I guess by that we will not stay here any longer than that time. I hear that the Yanks are all leaving the Peninsula in Virginia and that Curtis’s Army have been killing our pickets near Helena, Arkansas. And here we are lying idle and dead express to the government. I hear this morning that we will march from here on the 20th of this month, where I do not know. I hope it may be so for I do hope to lay in camp worse than anything I ever do.

Our Capt.’s brother went to Chapel Hill on sick furlough and the Capt. Sent by him to see if the citizens would send our company any thing. The Capt. received a letter from his sister stating that her brother had got home and that the citizens was going to send 80 suits of clothing; which is about 20 suits more than there is men in the company. But every thing that we hear turns out so different from what we [see?] that I dislike to put any confidence in that letter. I want you to send my coat if you have an opportunity.

There is something I want you to do. I want you to keep little Stonewall as strait as you can. I don’t want him humpbacked. Tell your Pas to pay off all my debts and sell my horse if he can’t keep him conveniently (that is if he is alive). I guess we will get our pay in a few days. I wish I had it now to send it back by Mr. Glass. He leaves for Texas in the morning of 29th. I wish I could get something to send to the Little Boy Baby. Kiss him again for me. This leaves me in good health hoping to find you and little Stonewall Jackson Henry Clay Burns in the like health. I leave you for the present. Give my love to all.

Your little,

Lum

LETTER #6

Arkansas Post

October 1, 1862

Dearest Georgia,

I seat myself once more to write to you. It is just one o’clock in the morning. I am sitting up waiting on my poor sick comrades. Three of my men are very sick. Two of the Short boys are very low. I think they are worse scared though sick. There is a great deal of sickness in camp now. There has been several deaths in camps since our arrival at this post, some them very sudden. Our medicine is about out consequently when the boys get sick, they think the jig is up.

We left Pine Bluff as of of Sept. and arrived here in the morning of the 20th at daybreak after traveling about 40 miles the night and day before. We traveled on the 19th about twenty miles by 12 o’clock and stopped for the night. About dusk, Col. Parland came up and told Col. Wilkes to take thirty of the best men out of each company and march forthwith to this point; that the Yankees was camped in six miles of here. By us getting there by daybreak we would possibly surprise them and whip them out. But when we got here we found nothing but a few very old dilapidated houses and no Yanks in thirty miles of here expecting a few of scouts that had been seen on the 19th passing near here; so we all was very well satisfied to find them as far from us as they were for I tell you we were a worn out set and to cap it all we got nothing to eat until near night, but when we did get it we ate too much and I think that is what caused so much sickness.

We live very hard now. Our beef has been so poor that half the time we throw it away and sometimes our ration of meal don’t last us so we have to live on very little. No person at home can imagine the hardships that a soldier has to go through. I tell you there is no fun in it. I would swap with any bodies Negro. We know about as much of what we are going to do as any Negro does. I wrote to Scates the night before I started here and told him that we was either going in to Missouri as I hear Old Curtis has skedaddled from Helena. It turned out to be neither, but I suppose Curtices army is trying to get away from Arkansas. There is about 150 Negroes at work here throwing up a breastwork but I don’t think it will ever be used after it is finished.

We had a grand view today and was inspected, also one of our company had no canteen. The Colonel asked him where it was. The man told him that he had none. Wilkes told him he ought to have one that we might have o march in the morning. Rumor says that we will leave for Missouri in a few days. I hope we will, for I do hate to be stationed at any place but it looks like I’m getting too far from home.

I study a great deal about home and those that are there. I have had the blues the worst in the world for the last three or four days. God knows I would give the world, if I had it, to have peace. I think there is a probability of peace now, since the Yanks have found that they have a mighty Stonewall to over go before they can conquer the South. We got the news this evening that we had Baltimore and that the glorious Old Stonewall had give them fits at Harpers Ferry, and that Cincinnati would be in our hands in a short time. They are calling on the people to rise and defend their firesides (don’t that beat you). Just think of the immense North that not long since, called out a few thousand men to put down a little rebellion in the South. Now she is yelling out “Arise and defend your homes”. I think we have got um.

Well I hope I will close so I can get back to see my sweet little wife and dear little Babe. Georgia tell me if he is a pretty boy or not. Oh how I do want to be there. I got a letter from William [Walker] the same time since he

October 1 1862 (Con’t’d.) – page 2

was well and it had been some time since he had got any letters from home. He said that it was probable that they would move to Little Rock. I wish he would come in here.

I haven’t got any letters from you since I left Shreveport. Sometimes I get out of patience waiting for a letter and think I will not write any more until I get one from you. I believe this is the 14th one I have written to you. Tell your Pa to tell Mr. Carter how I am getting and tell him to excuse me for not writing to him. Paper is so scarce and hard matter to get paper to write to you. Tell him he has my best wishes. I don’t know where I will be when I write again. Direct as usual to Pine Bluff to be forwarded.

Write soon and give all the news, chitchat and give my love to all. Goodbye for a time.

Your little

Lum

LETTER #7

Arkansas Post

October 16, 1862

Dearest Georgia,

Chapel Hill by land. Since I wrote to you before, we have marched about 125 miles. We went up to Clarence and back, (like the General marched up the hill and down again). We have a time. I don’t think our commanders have sense enough to lead a goose . . . but I guess they lead us a merry string.

We live very hard. The rations we draw for four days generally last us 3 days, so we had to starve or steal, we do the latter. I used to think I was an honest man, but I steal before starving. The boys call hogs chaparel bears so we have bear meat occasionally.

I don’t think I’ll write anything about the late battles for you get the news before I do. Col. Walker lost all of his horses and a good many of his men on the other side of the Mississippi River. Vandorn lost half of his men near Corinth. I saw Arch Mahan while at Clarenden. He is hearty and looks much better than I ever saw him. Teak is well, our company is in good health now and I believe the Regiment. I am well and almost naked. The boys after supper every night holler out “here’s your ragged and disgruntled cavalry, here’s your Col. That got the bounty and fought Davises cabinet to get it but couldn’t get it clipped,” in fact they holler everything that can be thought of. Wilkes is afraid to say any thing.

There is no telling when we will get our money; I have studied a great deal about deserting certain. I can stand anything but starvation. I have the blues and I want to see you and little Stonewall very much. I have very little hope of ever seeing you. Give my love to all. Do the best you can, take care of our little boy. Write when you can. I will write often as possible.

Your true little man,

Lum

I haven’t got a letter from you since I left Shreveport, 3 months

Civil War Letters - 1862 - C.C. Burns (Letters 1-3)

2010-05-10T05:43:00.013-05:00

Georgianna Walker was my great, great grandmother. She was a letter correspondent of at least two Confederate States of America soldiers, Christopher Columbus Burns (her husband) and William Walker (her brother). William's father also was the recipient of some of the letters that I will post.

The letters were scattered across the country due to being split up between family members during the last 100 years. The originals are still scattered, however, the transcripts of the letters are coming back together. I have held two of the original hand written documents that are currently in the possession of my father.

In the coming days, I will post all of what I have available. All of the letters span nearly the entire war and depict a rare and unique view of the war, but mostly detailed accounts of simple camp life and fair view of the rampant war rumor mill that permeated the ranks.

* - Letters from C.C. Burns date from early 1962 through April 1965.
* - Letters from William Walker date from January 1962 through May 1965.

I am posting the C.C. Burns letters in series first, once all have been posted, then I will post the Walker letters. I've tried to read each together in chronological order, but found myself confused between the two. I will keep it as two separate sequential accounts.

Note that brackets [...] will be used to add detail or to fill in assumed indistinguishable words or phrases if known or possibly interpreted, otherwise the brackets will state "indistinguishable".

The original Burns letters were near beautiful in penmanship. The longhand script taught, even in small local school houses, was far superior to anything taught today. I'm also impressed with the overall vocabulary of the men considering they were largely not very well educated back woods farm folks.

Here is a sample of the type of penmanship taken from a family Bible that belonged to C.C Burns' father Tilghman Hardy Burns. The writing is presumed to be of T.H. Burns.

I thought about inserting narrative of history, but I think it best to let the letters stand by themselves. I am sure that all who read these will find some interest in at least some of the accounts of typical camp life during this terrible time in our history.

C.C. BURNS - LETTER #1

1862

Dear Georgia,

I seat myself once more to let you know that I am well. We left camp at Alto [east Texas] the day after I wrote my first letter and did not get to mail it at Alto. I sent it to town yesterday and wrote on the back [indistinguishable] not answer it. I reckon this will reach you as soon as it will.

Our brigade is not organized yet. I believe they intend to organize on Saturday. I am in the 2^nd Reg. Under Wilkes, our Company is all in good health. I don’t know how long we will stay here nor where we will go to. But expect we will be ordered back to Houston or Galveston from what Wilkes says, we are in advance of the other Regiments and hope to stay so.

I am going out to Nacogdoches [east Texas] in the morning to mail this and see some more of your cousins. I suppose John Walker is there and his brother lives there . . town is five miles from here. This is the poorest country I ever saw. I like where we live too well to leave it. If Alabama looks like this part of the world I will stop talking about moving there. Direct your letters to Nacogdoches, Carters Brigade, 2^nd Regiment, Captain Swearingens Company, Texas Lancers. I am in fine health; my spleen is no better. I hope this may find you in good health. Give my love to all . . . tell your Pa to write to me when you write me all the news. I wish I was back there to get some Rostences Beans. We got nothing of the kind . . . but onions, [and the] corn is about knee high here.

Betty [his horse] looks as well as she did before I started. I have been offered many trades for her. I would not take $200.00 for her . . . a man offered me $75.00 in gold and $75.00 in confederate money for her. I am sitting on wet ground flat with a piece of plank about 14 inches long on top of a two gallon [powder] keg with my red handkerchief spread on it for a desk. I look about like I did when I was carving my saddle . . . last night was the worst one I ever saw . . . it rained through our tent. I covered my head and slept on sound as if it was not raining, but the country is too poor to admit of much of a letter.

I will have to close as the boys are standing around begging me for my desk to write on. I hope they may get as wet on their [asses] as I have.

I will look for an answer soon. Goodbye my own little sweet Georgia . . . think of me but don’t grieve after me.

Your true

C.C. Burns

P.S. I have had my hair shingled. I send you a lock of it . . . keep it for the sake of your little [word indistinct]. They boys say I look a heap better, I know I feel better.

C.C. BURNS - LETTER #2

Camp near Nacogdoches [Texas] - May 28, 1862

Dear little Georgia,

Once more I take my seat on Teak’s old saddlebags with any keg and plank for a desk, to write you again. I am sick again with a cold and my ankles are very much swollen and sore. Hargroves [friend from home and also a conscript] says it is dropsy, but I hardly think so.

I had to stand guard night before last for the first time. I was relieved at one o’clock. My post was situated down in a hollow between two high hills where I could see nor hear nothing but crickets. You may reckon that I studied [thought and contemplation] little. Among any studies was that of dreams. I wished that I could dream some pleasant, well I did dream about shooting a pig in the body, then when I woke up in the morning, I heard some one say here’s a dead horse. I jumped up expecting to see Betty stretched out but it was not her, but still the pig was on my mind.

After breakfast a fellow passed down by our Captains tent saying “God damn old hill” at the top of his voice. He had been a prisoner the day before for getting drunk and fighting and was still a prisoner but had got away from the guard. When he got to his own tent he drew his huge knife on a little boy and told him if he did not mark time he would chop his (the boys) head off. When the Captain saw him and ordered his arrest, one of the guards being near, walked up to him and told him that he (the guard) was ordered to arrest him. When he turned and began to cut at him, the guard backed but drew his six shooter and kept backing for 20 steps with the fellow cutting at him all the time. The guard backed until he got against a rope that was tied to two trees. There he was obliged to kill the fellow or be killed himself. The guard shot him about where I dreamed I shot the pig. I saw him fall. He lived about half an hour and was buried like a dog. He had no friends. I did not see him buried. His name was Miller, from Hempstead [Texas].

Today is the day that I wrote we was to leave but we are here yet. Wilkes made a speech last night and said we would leave in a few days or as soon as the election for Major came off which comsinces of tomorrow, our Capt. is a candidate for that office.

The boys are all well from our neighborhood. I can’t stand to lay in camp. I weighed when I was in town; my weight was 145 pounds. If I travail I can stand it finely. When that fellow was shot there was a set [of soldiers] setting by playing cards. They did not stop their game. We have 15 or 20 Indians in this Regiment. They danced the war dance last night and howled the war whoop. There was another fight between two drunken fellows. One of them was badly cut. I believe I have told you all that I know now. I wish you to burn up those papers that Wheeler left with me, if any letters comes to me send them to Shreveport to me. Nothing more.

I remain your true loving little

Lum

C.C. BURNS - LETTER #3

El Dorado, Arkansas - July 28, 1862

My dear little Georgia,

I seat myself with a sad heart to write to you. I thought it would be my pleasure to get to go home but our officers thought it best to detail Hargrove to take our horses home, so I will write you a few lines and send it by him.

I would have given any horse I got to have went with the horses although it was an unpleasant duty to perform. I wrote to you that I expected when we was set afoot that our brigade would [indistinguishable] up, but I was badly mistaken. They give up their horses with a degree of reluctance and a few murmurs. The thing is settled now. Our horses start in the morning. I hate to see mine go. He [she] has distemper and has fallen off mightily; he may die before he gets to you. If he lives you must take good care of him. He is such a nice horse. Tell your Pa to keep him if possible. Tell Mary if she rides him to church to mind who rides by the side of her for my horse hates poor common stock and so do I.

I suppose we leave here in a few days with our knapsacks on our backs. Well all I got to say is that I can stand any thing that any of them can. Myself and one of our Lieutenants are the only ones but what have been sick. I have been able for duty all the time. I wrote to you that I was sick but it was only a little cold. I have a slight headache today. I suppose we go to Pine Bluff [Arkansas]. I want you to write as soon as you get this and address to Pine Bluff. I think our company has at least 40 men in it. I tell you this Company is bound to go under.

I suppose that McClellan’s army is broken up. Out of 300,000 men, 200,000 have been taken prisoners and deserted and we have whipped them in Tennessee if that be the case. I think peace will be established shortly. I would like to have a little money but I think it will soon be time for us to get some from the [CSA] Government. If I knew we would not I would get Hargrove [friend] to bring me some.

The news came that our Lieutenant Colonel Helen was dead and the boys are howling for 18 guns to be shot off if some more of our officers would die. I think we would see a better time. You must have me a letter written as soon as our baby is born. Oh how I would like to be there. I study about it all the time. It is getting late and I shall have to come to a close. Give my respects to all. I hope these lines find you merry in good health.

I remain your true little . . .

C.C. Burns

More to come...

And No, It's Not Because I am...

2010-05-09T10:13:00.004-05:00

...it's because Charlize Theron is golden.

Did you know that if you click this image, your monitor will melt into a blob worthy of stick-science?

Offensive Tee Lands Latina In Jail

2010-05-09T08:23:00.008-05:00

With all the bitching about how Americans in America are disrespecting the Mexicans, I found this amusing.

According to The Lake County Sun (Chicago suburbia).

"LaPenta, 19, was jailed this week by Lake County Associate Judge Helen Rozenberg who held her in contempt for wearing the T-shirt in her courtroom. It was emblazoned with the words: 'I have the P**** so I make the rules.'"

Here is the person and the criminal tee shirt in question.

First of all, I can't believe anyone would not dress appropriately for court, even if it was traffic court. I realize this Latina wasn't there for her own issues, but seriously...why?

"The judge asked me if I thought the shirt was appropriate for the courtroom," LaPenta said. "I said I didn't think it was offensive but said I wouldn't have worn it if I was the defendant."

Actually, though, I sort of find it a little strong for a judge to just toss someone in jail for wearing an offensive shirt to court. I could see a charge of contempt and a fine or simply being dismissed from the court room.

I have a feeling that the charge had more to do with what was said at the bench between the Judge and Ms. LaPenta. My bet is that LaPenta said something disrespectful and the judge reacted.

Side Note:

She said she wasn't trying to be offensive or disrespectful, but frankly, I find wearing THAT tee shirt ANYWHERE to be offensive.

Happy Mother's Day to All the Mothers...But I Digress - I'm Talking Civil War Here.

2010-05-09T06:55:00.011-05:00

Never mind that, I am going to post about something that my father gave to me.

Family history.

Ok, this is really American history as seen through my ancestors. I sort of like this stuff way better than what History Channel will be showing tonight on that America: The Story of Us.

I'm starting a new feature which will be labeled Yes, My Family Has Been in America a Really Long Time and I Can Prove It. My father gave me a disk that contains hundreds of transcripted written letters, articles, historical docs, death announcements, etc. These documents were compiled for two reasons; one to prove legitimacy in obtaining official documentation for Sons and Daughters of the American Revolution and, two to prove legitimacy in obtaining documentation for Sons and Daughters of the Republic of Texas.

And, yes. I am documented as being a member of both.

I think my favorite documents are the letters - most specifically, the Civil War letters. This one was written by my great, great grandfather Captain Christopher Columbus Burns. He went by the shortened versions of C.C. Burns and informally, just Lum. He was a Texan, from around Colorado, Gonzales or DeWtt County (between Houston and San Antonio).

He told of the Battle of Vicksburg and the ironclad gunboat battles, everyday camp life and the usual personal family goings on. If I recall correctly, he was about 30-35 years old when he left is pregnant wife for the war, who subsequently gave birth to his baby.

This is the first of the Burns letters. I will post them in chronological order. I have others from another ancestor, but this is as good a place as any to start. My father has several of the originals (some held by a relative in Oregon) and I have held possession two of them for a thing I did for an American History class in college. All letters were written in long hand script, torn and/or folded so some of the words were illegible or indistinguishable.

1862

Dear Georgia,

I seat myself once more to let you know that I am well. We left camp at Alto [east Texas] the day after I wrote my first letter and did not get to mail it at Alto. I sent it to town yesterday and wrote on the back [indistinguishable] not answer it. I reckon this will reach you as soon as it will. Our brigade is not organized yet. I believe they intend to organize on Saturday. I am in the 2^nd Reg. Under Wilkes, our Company is all in good health. I don’t know how long we will stay here nor where we will go to. But expect we will be ordered back to Houston or Galveston from what Wilkes says, we are in advance of the other Regiments and hope to stay so.

I will have to close as the boys are standing around begging me for my desk to write on. I hope they may get as wet on their [asses] as I have.

I will look for an answer soon. Goodbye my own little sweet Georgia . . . think of me but don’t grieve after me.

Your true

C.C. Burns

P.S. I have had my hair shingled. I send you a lock of it . . . keep it for the sake of your little [word indistinct]. They boys say I look a heap better, I know I feel better.

Georgia (short for Georgianna Walker) was named after the State of Georgia as their ancestors left Georgia for Texas. Her father (mentioned in the letter) was the father of another Confederate soldier, John Walker (mentioned above) of whom I also have letter transcripts.

Here is more on the Texas 24th Regiment. This matches our family letters in that Burns sent several letter from Pine Bluff, Arkansas.

The BWM GINA...I Think My Mother-in-Law Wore That Same Dress to My Wedding.

2010-05-09T06:08:00.001-05:00

Speaking of Offensive Language...Calf Fries ARE OFFENSIVE

2010-05-08T06:35:00.014-05:00

I've kind of always been offended by the term "redneck".

Being a Southerner, I've been addressed as such various times in my life. I think most notable was during a trip to New York. I was there on sort of a factory tour trip where a manufacturer of a certain engineering specification product will fly engineers form all over the country and show off their factory. Usually, these free trips include some sort of fun outing, which may include fine dining, a Broadway play, a sporting event, or some other kind of way to buy you off for specifying their products.

During the NY trip, The Saturday included a day at West Point for the Army home coming game. While I have to admit, this was probably my favorite of such trips, there were a few tense moments based on the simple reason that I am from Texas.

This event started with a meet and greet ice breaker that takes place in a large tent sponsored by our hosts. One of the hostesses representing the company that paid for our trip approached me. The lady knew three things about me; my name, my birth state and that I carry a "slight" Texas drawl when I speak (I blame my parents for this, unless I am out in the country with my cousins, then it become a source of pride - I know and never mind).

"Are you a Redneck?" she asked in a very, very heavy Bronx dialect. Keep in mind that I was wearing a white starched shirt, black slacks, a tweed sport jacket and a rather fashionable (at the time) Jerry Garcia tie...oh, and my "Sunday-go-to-meetin'" black shoes. I looked like any other business type doing business.

I paused for an uncomfortable moment and simply said, "No, ma'am, but I know a few," hoping that she would move on to a business related subject. But she didn't.

"Who's that comedian that says, "You are a redneck if...?"

"Jeff Foxworthy?"

"Yeah. That guy." She went on in an attempt at a few of his redneck jokes - and rather badly, too. I just stood there, looking around for an escape. I kept nodding and smiling in spite of the tense moment. She had no idea that the term "redneck" is offensive to some.

She paused to think of another slur and I pounced on the chance to interrupt and change the direction of the conversation, "So, have you been to many Army football games?"

"Like, do I come here often? she asked with a big smile and her eyebrows sort of inquisitively pinched.

"Perhaps, I guess." I answered not knowing where she might go next.

"Surely, being from Texas, you've been to a football game before," which came out of her mouth like "beef-owah" - I swear.

"Hundreds, I'd say." I said still plotting my escape.

Being sort of a bird watcher, I noticed a large raptor flying in over the Hudson River toward us and I gazed upward as it made its way almost straight above us and the grassy banks. She noticed my reaction as watched upward. "That's a hooh-awk."

"I was wondering." I said still watching the bird.

Perhaps it was the hooh-wot doo-ogs or the keg beer, but she put her had on my arm and asked me where we were staying for the night. I told her that I thought we were staying in the city at Times Square.

"Too bad," she said.

"Why is that?"

"You seem like a nice guy and not at all what I expected."

"What do you mean?" I was beginning to feel even less comfortable with the situation and was really curious about what she expected by meeting a real live Texan.

"You don't seem very country to me."

"Perhaps that's because I've spent my entire life living in a metropolitan area of about 8 million people?" The look on her face was priceless. She dropped her hand form my arm and put in on her hip. I wasn't sure of that body language, but at this point, I couldn't wait to hear what she was going to say next.

"Manhattan has 8 million people."

"I'm aware of that."

"The only difference with the DFW area is that it is spread out over a large area and not stacked up on top of itself."

She smiled, "You are a very 'int-er-esting gooh-eye. Are you shooh-wah you want to go all the way to Manhattan for the night?"

Ok, so this whole conversation was a flirt on her part. I'm guessing that not only was she looking for over night company, but that she probably does this regularly with the factory visitors. There is no way she would ever think that the conversation was insulting to me. The worst part was that our group (from all over the US) would be together for the football game, the after party on Times Square and all the bus time in between. She found a way to be next to me the entire trip in spite of my polite attempts to hang out with the California group.

I really don't know where I am going with all of this except that I have always found offensive, the term redneck not to mention various other locale related stereotypical terms regardless of the locale.

Plus, it gives me a chance to post this picture of a redneck wading pool.

A redneck giving directions..."Naw, man. It's where old man Duece's place use-tah-be before the farr."

No words.

Condos? Apartments? Fire hazard? ...No worries about the fire hazard. I'm sure they all have the redneck fire alarm system installed, which includes an unopened package of Jiffy-Pop popcorn attached to the ceiling in the kitchen...and over the still.

My cousins live out in the country and have spent their lives driving tractors, running cattle ranches and spending the weekends hungover from nights at the local metal building dance halls. I have to say though, that I have found my weekend visits to the farm educational. After all, I have personally participated in some very interesting activities like branding calves, de-horning calves, medicating cattle and horses, riding fences on horseback, feeding livestock of all varieties (goats, chickens, ginny fowl, nieces and nephews, etc.) and collecting dew berries, because you can't make dew berry pie without dew berries.

I just wish I had passed on the time I spent drinking my cousins Lone Star beer, Pearl Light beer (with salt on the top of the can for good reason), Wabble Water Wine (made form native Texas Mustang Grapes (very sour)...not to mention the time he made me breakfast and didn't tell me what it was until after I ate it.

Somehow, eggs scrambled with cubed chunks of fried ..um...fries would have left me passing on the morning meal and in fact caused me to pass on the noontime meal just because...and after the debate over why I would go without lunch, he felt the need to go to the freezer and show me a bowl of fresh cut fries with the statement, "I usually just throw them to the dogs, but since this is a special occasion and all..."

I think I'm gonna be sick again.

In The Box: I Know. Yet Another "Mail It In" Post

2010-05-07T12:03:00.004-05:00

I bet he can write his name in the snow, too.

Oh, the idiot off camera says, "Picasso." I don't think so, pal.

On Immigration, Racism and the Hispanic

2010-05-07T07:37:00.017-05:00

I do not consider myself racist in any way. My rule of thumb is that I break people down into two categories.

Asshole and Not Asshole. It's just that simple...and I spend enough time with one foot on each side of the Asshole/Not Asshole line, I have a good sense of how to divide the masses.

As far as illegal immigration goes, if you are going to a concert, buy the ticket for the seat in which you wish to sit. DO NOT sneak in the back door and then complain that you have bad seats.

This is about how I see what is going on in America today. Illegals come in the back door without paying taxes, then march in the streets by the tens of thousands demanding equal freedom.

I would have a much easier time accepting illegal immigration provided the party crashers paid their just taxes and then shut the fuck up. Perhaps another caveat would be to not expect free services, but I can get past that (maybe) if all applicable taxes were paid in full.

Of course, I would have no beef at all, if they simply went through the proper channels of naturalization, but simply paying taxes would help soften my opinions.

I have an issue with La Raza (The Race), too. I do not view the Hispanics as a race. They call themselves Latino or Latina I presume because the Spanish language is of Latin origin. Nothing about genetics, other than some have Spanish (Spain) blood in their ancestry, shows them to be of Latin origin.

Furthermore, many "Hispanics" consider themselves Caucasian and with good reason. Latin Euros are considered Caucasian. Besides, most (if not all) Hispanics are of mixed ancestry (from the aboriginal tribes of Asian decent and various European influence) to the point that it would be very difficult to define them as anything near a separate race.

Wednesday night I went to watch a team dart playoff match. One of the teams has several of my buddies playing for them. Three of those buddies are of Mexican ancestry or are mixed Mexican-American ancestry.

One of the guys, the team captain, goes by Taco. I don't know why. Anyway, he was telling a story of an incident on a construction job site from last week where he he got sideways with one of his crew members. The crew member wanted to take the day off of work to march in the local protest against the new Arizona law. Taco told him that if he didn't show up for work, then he would be fired.

Consequently, it evolved into a big dust-up argument and the guy was fired anyway due to casting several insults against Taco. He wouldn't tell me exactly what was said, but he did use one word of which I cannot remember at the moment (something in spanish or Mexican slang meaning half breed dog/coyote or something).

Point being that there is such a rift between the Mexicans on the whole immigration issue that I find it a little difficult to understand. If I knew Taco a little better, I would have asked him a few questions, but I think for now, it's best to keep the pie hole shut.

So, moving along. After playing a couple of games with the group, Taco asked me if I had a team to play with next season followed by an invitation. Good dudes there and I am very much considering joing the fun.

I'm Gonna Open an Artery Over This Sort of Lunacy Some Day...But I'll Settle for a Rant

2010-05-06T14:04:00.009-05:00

According to KTVU television website, which is somewhere in California, a Morgan Hill, CA high school is embroiled in a Cinco de Mayo controversy and wouldn't you know, the perps are white bread patriots doing nothing more than wearing American flag tee shirts. They were approached by the school authorities and told to either trun the shirts inside out or don't return to class.

Being the bad little Americans that they are, they refused - as they should have done.

Apparently, it is illegal for Americans in America to wear patriotic colors on a Mexican Independence Day.

"School officials at Morgan Hill's Live Oak High told those students they would have to either go home or turn the shirts inside out. The reason, students told KTVU, was that school officials were concerned the shirts would trigger fights on campus."

As we all know, it is a crime to be patriotic in America on a day when another country celebrates its own independence, right? Because it is "incendiary" and could incite violence. Although, the patriot kids say this.

“We knew it was Cinco de Mayo. But we just came to show our flag. We didn't mean anything by it. We didn't want to start anything. Nothing like that.”

And this...

“They said we had to wear our t-shirts inside out and then we could go back to class and we said no. It would be disrespectful to the flag by hiding it.”

And this...

“He said quoting the administrator 'If you wear it on any other day, it’s fine; but just because it's today you can't wear it. His exact words.”

Meanwhile, the Mexican students were saying things like this...

“It's just kinda disrespectful that they would do that on this day. I mean, we don't go around on 4th of July wearing red white and green and saying ‘Viva Mexico,’ because that's disrespectful.”

And this...

“I think it was kind of going overboard with the suspension, but it's also kind of disrespectful because it's our day.”

Although, there was one student of Mexican heritage, but born American in America had this to say...

“I have no problem with them wearing their Mexican stuff, their Mexican flags,” said Maciel. “I just thought I'd show my pride. American pride.”

So, of course, the district administration issued a written statement saying this...

“The district does not concur with the Live Oak High School administration's interpretation of either board or district policy related to these actions."

How far have we come that we have to temper our American patriotism within the borders of our own country? Is this a way of the liberal butt holes to try and force the good Americans to match the liberal embarrassment of our country? I say this, because when I see stories like this, I sort of do have a feeling of embarrassment. I am embarrassed that our idiot "leaders" and supposed role models have such a twisted mind set that we have to tippy-toe around foreign national's (naturalized or other wise) feelings.

Fuck that, amigo. This happens to be AMERICA. I'm sure, if you want to wear your Mexican colors in Mexico, no one would complain. In fact, go do just that, because as far as I am concerned, if you want to be an American, then fucking act like an American.

If you are so proud of your Mexican Independence then why the fuck are you in America?

Celebrating Cinco di Mayo in America is insulting to me as an American. Why the hell do we put up with people of any country celebrating their independence while in America and then claiming being disrespected because Americans do little more than act like Americans?

If I were the parents of those patriot students, I'd have planted my boot up someone's ass.

I've about had it with all this buillshit.

Rant: Off

FYI...Pajamas has more, here.

New Cloaking Device for Air Force One

2010-05-06T12:32:00.006-05:00

Ok, so I am a blog posting stiff this week resorting to rehashing email junk jokes and TV show reviews. This post is no exception and I am sure that, once again, I am behind the curve.

Enter Air Force general with notification to the President that the USAF has outfitted Air Force One with a new cloaking device.

Air Force General: "Mr. President, we've just invented an invisibility cloak for Air Force One."

Obama: "No shit?"

General: "That's right, sir. Will you be going along on its maiden flight?"

Obama: "Wouldn't miss it for the world."

General: "Have a good trip, sir..."

I guess the image is courtesy of the FreakingNews.

And the offering from Hookers and Booze? Lego Star Wars - take a look-see.

In Other News...From the Email Apparatus

2010-05-05T09:18:00.028-05:00

The Arctic ocean is warming up, icebergs are growing scarcer and in some places the seals are finding the water too hot, according to a report to the Commerce Department yesterday from Consul Ifft, at Bergen, Norway. Reports from fishermen, seal hunters and explorers, he declared, all point to a radical change in climate conditions and hitherto unheard-of temperatures in the Arctic zone.

Exploration expeditions report that scarcely any ice has been met with as far north as 81 degrees 29 minutes. Soundings to a depth of 3,100 meters showed the gulf stream still very warm. Great masses of ice have been replaced by moraines of earth and stones, the report continued, while at many points well known glaciers have entirely disappeared.

Very few seals and no white fish are found in the eastern Arctic, while vast shoals of herring and smelts, which have never before ventured so far north, are being encountered in the old seal fishing grounds.

Oh, sorry. Perhaps I should have mentioned that this report is not news. It is actually a report from the AP wire via the Washington Post, and get this...87 years ago on November 2, 1922.

I guess, the eminent danger is still out there albeit several naturally occurring climate cycles beyond.

Edit: I found this...as McGoo says, "Click to embiggen."

When the evidence claiming AGW is found to be falsified, lost or otherwise disorganized, one has to wonder what else are our scientist are telling us of which its "scientific" support data that might fall into the same category of disarray.

Let me guess...

- The Moon isn't made of green cheese, but rather Rockfort Cheese.
- Dolly the clone sheep was actually Leonardo Di Caprio.
- The rumors of the US government was detaining a live being from beyond are true, except that it was Janeane Garofalo and not a little green or grey Martian. Also, they are no longer holder the alien, because...well...I'd rather spend ten minutes in the same room with Gilbert Gottfried.

As Professor Phil Jones (former director of the University of East Angelina Climate Research Unit F-tard Deluxe) admits, his organization skills and record keeping "is not what is should be." This is the guy who's research and data is at the very center of the whole "Hockey Stick" hysteria.

The BBC's environmental anal-ist Roger Harrabin says of the vaunted professor...

"...his office is piled high with paper, fragments from over the years, tens of thousands of pieces of paper, and they suspect what happened was he took in the raw data to a central database and then let the pieces of paper go because he never realised that 20 years later he would be held to account over them."

In fact, he claims that the reason for not being able to comply with the Freedom of Information requests is that, much of the data has been "lost."

I only have four words, "Are you shitting me?"

Professor Fuck Tard even admits that there has been no climate change since 1995. I wonder how the hell he could know that?

There is more here.

Be careful on your travels, mates. Oh, and be sure to recycle your nearest liberal, because I'm into gardening at the moment and I ran out of mulch.

Face Rockin' Music from TFK

2010-05-05T09:02:00.003-05:00

I've been busy. Quite. So, in order to dust off the stale from the two day old post, here is one of my favorite Christian Bands.

The Return of Aurora

2010-05-03T12:03:00.014-05:00

She's coming back sooner than I thought. The Sun is cranking up pretty quick after years of relative innactivity. Not the pic below and notice the darker blotch at the upper left. That, my friends, is a hole in the Corona (no relationship to Cinco de Mayo). According to SOHO:

When that coronal hole rotates around to where it faces Earth (in early May), gusts of solar wind will likely buffet Earth a few days later and generate some aurora at higher latitudes.

Also, of note are the solar flares beginning to pop off at the megnetic conveyors.

Here's a nifty little embed of the brand new out of the box SDO found over at NASAs Solar Dynamics Observatory website.

[I tried to embed tthe video here, but the digital minions are at it again. Clilck the link above.]

I give it probably two to three years and we'll be right back to where we were four or five years ago with regard to the knuckleheaded left tree brained fools waving the AGW flags. I think the country formerly known as the Land of Ice and its Volcano Eywhateverthefuckitskulled will probably hold the temps down a smidge and offset any increase in global temps due to the increased solar activity...but then I'm no expert.

I wish I had more snark, but work is all over me today.

Side note:
I don't know if I am the only idiot on the planet watching the History Channel's America: The Story of US, but the more I watch this, the more I am able to view it as indoctrination.

The Texas Revolution was glossed over as a victory for America, by Americans. Somehow, I missed that part about the spoils going to America...at least immediately, anyway.

My biggest issue was the presentation of abolitionist John Brown being a terrorist. I thought about the use of that word for a moment and it occurred to me that they had already labeled him a Christian and acting upon his beliefs that God wanted him to stop slavery.

Now, I think the guy might have been a little over zealous, but I am not sure calling him a torrorist is exactly correct. Ok, sure. He knocked over a US military armory and died trying to defend his acquisition, but it was nothing more than the Revolutionaries did some 65 years earlier or either side in the Civil War did only a few years later. All the guy wanted to do was arm the slaves.

Edit: The whole slavery and expansion portions of the show was little more than one big bash on the white man. White women were glorified, while the white male was portrayed as heartless, murdering bastards. Even the wagon trains were from a woman's point of view. While the poor white man sat in the background fixing broken wagon axels, fighitng off bears and wrestling with oxen, the women were in the forefront giving birth with her superimposed voice telling of the hardships of being a woman on the wagon trail.

Oh, Jedidiah Smith got some props for working WITH the Native Americans and living through a brutal grizzly attack, however, since he was a trapper, they did count the number of beavers that were murdered for pelts.

There were a few other examples of indoctrinational items that I noticed and probably a few that I didn't notice. I learned that Daniel Boone was a man, a big man. Not only that, but with all his badassedness in paving the way for future exploring Americans like Lewis and Clark, Boone was a merciless Native American killer. I guess the Native Americans shouldn't have killed Boone's son, right? Killing a man's offspring has a tendency to draw some prejudice.

The Donner Party story was a little gripping, but the HC made it clear that canniblism was acceptible as long as you label the menu with names so you do not consume your own family members...wtf?

I hated that I passed on the new Stephen Hawking program on Discovery Channel for the Story of Us thing. I did record it though.

League Darts Finals - Choke?

2010-05-02T15:01:00.014-05:00

Nah, I didn't choke.

I came in a little over confident, I think. I found myself down 0-4 right from the beginning. Problem was that the last two matches I played against Joey during the regular season, I won 8-3 and 9-2. I really didn't expect him open up so strong.

Championship final score: 12-7 (best of 23 games)

I was able to get within 7-9 at one point, but he hammered down for the last three straight.

Each time I began a come back, Joey shut me down. It was sort of a case of student over taking the teacher in a way. I had taught him some theory on mental approach and some strategy tricks. Actually, he gave me props at the end for some of the things he'd learned.

I'm very proud of him and the way he played. It was also cool that his nine year old daughter was there as well as his older brother. Earlier in the day, the ADO Youth Shoot took place in which his daughter won her first two games in her first ever tournament. Good day for the family.

Eh, I have boxes full of trophies from past championships, so I'm ok with the way things turned out. I'd have rather have played him closer, but I have to give him credit for putting me away like he did.

Good job, Joey.

Texas Independance Weekend

2010-05-01T08:13:00.023-05:00

Tomorrow, May 2nd, will mark the 174th anniversary of the Republic of Texas.

Yesterday, the domesticated room mate gave me a really nice one of these to fly in lieu of my American Flag. Too bad that the new flag is too large for my horizontal flag post. Size is everything and Texas is worthy of large.

I'll simply hang it banner style from the eve or possibly just drape it inside the large front window since I am unsure of the weather.

Since the asshole in the White House considers me and those like me to be "obtuse", I think I'll just be obtuse for a minute, because I have a thought that has been burning my brain.

You know, I find it sort of strange that the Mexican Army defeated the French Army at the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862. This gave Mexico Independence and is celebrated as Cinco de Mayo. Texas citizens celebrate this in every pub across the state.

Why is this strange? Because such celebrations do not happen with the anniversary of Texas' independence from Mexico in 1836.

Perhaps the oddest twist is how in the hell was Mexico not able to defeat a couple thousand scrappy rag-tag Texans, but can defeat one of the then greatest armies on the planet? Granted it was the French Army, but it doesn't really make much sense to me. I believe that the French Military is most interested in how they look in uniform over how they fight in uniform.

The only thing I can figure is that many of the same Texans were sons and daughters of American Revolutionaries. This could be key for several reasons:

Sacrifice for Freedom
The Texans knew the taste of war-won freedom and knew that numerical odds and apparent insurmountable power in war were less important than fighting for that in which you believe and knowing the importance of the sacrifice for freedom.

Scot-Irish Factor
The Scot-Irish culture is probably the most resistant "ethnic" group in America. We have been conditioned, through our ancestry, to be anti-authoritarian from birth. We were the majority of the original pioneers that came to Jamestown in 1610. We were among the majority who fought for the American Revolution (and every war since). We built the railroads and founded the western frontier. We are the fabric upon which this country was founded and the backbone upon which it was built.

It should be no mystery that early Texans were mostly Scot-Irish. In fact, there are 113 Texas counties named after notable Texas men with Scottish surnames. In modern Texas, the Scottish and Irish festivals rival those found anywhere in the US.

Side Note: Rosa Parks' great grandfather was Scot-Irish.

Cheers to Texas
So, Happy Birthday, Texas. I, for one, will be celebrating, not with tequila, but with my favorite Scotch-styled Irish Whiskey and a Guiness or two. I'll save the Corona and tequila shot for Wednesday as I slam one or two with my Tejano friends as a tribute to Mexico and their 1862 defeat of the Nancy French.

Long live TEXAS!!!

The Whirly Bird Whirls at Midnight

2010-04-30T02:25:00.005-05:00

Grackle has been a busy dude, lately. Much of it unnecessary, but busy nonetheless. Included in the mayhem; a knass-tii viral attack on the office machinery during an obscene week of work obligations, dart league playoffs (and I am in the finals), the death of a friend's family member, a rather upset domestic room mate and I am sure there is more chit that escapes me during this all-nighter occupational effort.

Hopefully, by the end of this day, the corporate obligations will have subsided for a day or so and I can send up an account of a couple of truly odd encounters from this week.

I also had some plans for a photo essay featuring a Battle of the Slugs, but we are supposed to have the annual war rains and thunder storms. I suspect that should keep me indoors and away from yard work...just when I was beginning to enjoy it.

Back to the task at hand.

The Pure and True American Descending

2010-04-29T06:16:00.016-05:00

I read this over at Cmblake6's Weblog and it started an unsettling process of thought. He merely lays out a list of fact-based evidence and more or less leaves his readers with task of pulling it all together. Well, that it did for me and perhaps I am simply paranoid and devoid of a reasonable thought process on the matter, but once all the evidence is compiled, one does have to wonder. I imagine that I should post the linkage as he has, but once posted with such elegance, why play with redux? Go take a look for yourself and find your own conclusion.

Here is mine.

Maybe I'm a little behind the curve, but it just occurred to me that there could be a more sinister plot going down.

Ethnic Cleansing.

Or at minimum the transfer of majority to minority. Perhaps I am a simple dolt at times living in an online world of comic narrative and blog cartoonery, but it seems to me that if our government embraces the medical abortion of Americans, the abolition of war against our enemies, the financial destruction of our fiscally strong, and the legal importation and naturalization of foreign citizenry without proper due process, then doesn't it stand to reason that the pure and true American is the perceived enemy of our own state?

Is it even plausible to think that the current socialistic policy that is being legislated against us has an even more subversive plot? If this is the case, then millions of pure and true Americans (Democratic voters) are being duped into not only voting in the power of our demise, but they are the ones pushing for the legislation to empower our pure and true enemies without a clue of what is really happening.

If there is a transfer of majority, then in the not so distant future, can we expect a civil war between them and us, with them having the political power over the pure and true America? I expect that by then many of the Democratic voters will have witnessed the err of their ways and will join the fight. At least this is my hope, if and when our enemies seize power over us.

Keep in mind, before anyone accuses me of racism, that I am simply asking questions. I honestly believe that the pure and true American is one born of many races and nationalities. Sadly, many of those same Americans cannot grasp the real identity of who they are and what could or should be their true American potential.

It seems unfathomable that our conservative fears of socialism from a year and a half ago which were labeled as racist and fear monger, have not only come to pass, but are largely accepted and even embraced by those hoisting the accusation. I am speaking of the common American voting Democrat and not their elite who are leading them to slaughter.

Let's suppose for a moment that our international military prowess is diminished to a point of vulnerability and that our enemies hold as much, if not more, domestic political clout than we to the degree that our position in society becomes an inverse.

It almost seems reasonable to suggest that the rise in illegal immigration of foreign nationals combined with the increasing favor of the Muslim-Arab influence is a sinister movement to hand over the Land of the Free to the subversives.

I realize this notion of ethnic weakening is far fetched and reeks of paranoia-based conspiracy theory, but as the old saying goes, the frog is more tolerable of a gradual warming than it is of an instant boil. By ignoring the possibilities, we allow ourselves to simmer in our own descension - do we not? If this seems lunatic fringe, then snapshot Europe and the gradual degradation of it's nationalistic public majority within each state's individual border.

If our current direction continues, then at what point do we all come to realize that we are standing in a stew awaiting the consumption by our enemies?

And when we finally find that realization, what then, will be our recourse?

Rockin' Friday - Get Me Out Of This...

2010-04-28T11:55:00.000-05:00

AVALANCHE
by Manafest

Yeah, it's another Christian band and since I feel like I've been in an Avalanche all week, this works.

From the Wednesday Email Box

2010-04-28T09:48:00.004-05:00

This is nothing new to anyone who reads this jibber-bloggery, but it is rather sobering when you see it all compiled.

IF YOU CROSS THE NORTH KOREAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET 12 YEARS HARD LABOR.

IF YOU CROSS THE IRANIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU ARE DETAINED INDEFINITELY.

IF YOU CROSS THE AFGHAN BORDER ILLEGALLY, YOU GET SHOT.

IF YOU CROSS THE SAUDI ARABIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE JAILED.

IF YOU CROSS THE CHINESE BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU MAY NEVER BE HEARD FROM AGAIN.

IF YOU CROSS THE VENEZUELAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE BRANDED A SPY AND

YOUR FATE WILL BE SEALED.

IF YOU CROSS THE CUBAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE THROWN INTO POLITICAL

PRISON TO ROT.

IF YOU CROSS THE U.S. BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET

* A JOB,

* A DRIVERS LICENSE,

* SOCIAL SECURITY CARD,

* WELFARE,

* FOOD STAMPS,

* CREDIT CARDS,

* SUBSIDIZED RENT OR A LOAN TO BUY A HOUSE,

* FREE EDUCATION,

* FREE HEALTH CARE,

* A LOBBYIST IN WASHINGTON

* BILLIONS OF DOLLARS WORTH OF PUBLIC DOCUMENTS PRINTED IN YOUR LANGUAGE

* THE RIGHT TO CARRY YOUR COUNTRY'S FLAG WHILE YOU PROTEST THAT YOU DON'T GET ENOUGH RESPECT

* IN MANY INSTANCES, YOU CAN VOTE.

Just Some Things I Have Lying About the House

2010-04-28T06:29:00.015-05:00

.
A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed. - Second Amendment to the US Constitution

Note: The stick is a piece of red oak from a tree in my yard. I cut it to about 30", carved the bark off of it, sand it to a high satin state, then stained and sealed it. It's weighty and hard as a fuggin' rock. I think everyone should be thinking about alternate forms of self-defense weaponry - be creative in all aspects. I have several other projects in the works like potato thumpers, etc., because you just never know.

I don't care how they try to re-interpret the 2nd Amendment, those words are probably most clear in meaning than any other sentence in the US Constitution.

Quite frankly, it would take an act of war to revise it's meaning and there would most certainly be an act of war following such revision.

I remember one day at work, a colleague and I were paging through a sales magazine. We paged over to the gun storage items. He pointed out the plastic burial tubes for various rifles. They were on sale.

I simply said, "The day it becomes necessary to bury my guns, will be the exact day it would be necessary to dig them up."

Spider Talk

2010-04-28T06:15:00.008-05:00

This is a Spider. (Sun Spider)

This is a spider on drugs.

This is a spider on me. (re-enactment**)

This is me on a spider.

Any questions?

** - Re-enacted because spiders do this.

Dry Ice vs Cinder Block - No Contest

2010-04-27T17:42:00.002-05:00

No words are necessary.

Toys for the Cool Kids and a Couple for Cool Grown Ups.

2010-04-27T17:07:00.006-05:00

While cruising around the webernets, I once again landed on the BoingBoing.net website. Such a wonderous and joyful toy land over which to peruse.

The following items caught my attention.

Young Mad Scientist Alphabet Blocks
They didn't have this stuff when I was a tot. But, my youngest niece is getting some for her second birthday. Bank that! I especially adore the "Y" block.

A - Appendages | B - Bioengineering | C - Caffeine | D - Dirigible | E - Experiment | F - Freeze ray | G - Goggles | H - Henchmen | I - Invention | J - Jargon | K - Potassium | L - Laser | M - Maniacal | N - Nanotechnology | O - Organs | P - Peasants (with Pitchforks) | Q - Quantum physics | R - Robot | S - Self-experimentation | T - Tentacles | U - Underground Lair | V - Virus | W - Wrench | X - X-Ray | Y - You, the Mad Scientist of Tomorrow | Z - Zombies

This is Spinal Tape
I have no idea what to use it for, but someone made it and mass produced it. I wonder why? Various steampunk projects? The name is hilarious though.

Steampunk Figurines from Mauser Earth
Some are cool, some are nutty.

RoboGames 2010 - Mech Wars!
Oh, if you don't like this chit, then burn your science club cards. I want me some. They fire projectiles - .22 caliber, I think it said.

Robot PetMan Walks 4.4 MPH
Kind of creepy, but dang cool!

Do You Like Boobs A Lot?

2010-04-27T12:54:00.004-05:00

Because Mr. Basterd over at Feed Your ADHD posted this, I felt a proper throw back response was necessary. Why? Because I happen to like boobs a lot and because I got "bust"ed by my mother watching a song video of this late one Saturday night on TV (boob-tube) when I was 14 or some chit. Ah, the good old days of innocence and not giving a chit about much more than boobs...and baseball.

Can ya dig it?

Entomological Carnivores

2010-04-27T06:38:00.042-05:00

Twice this week, the largely ignored ant lion creature has come up in conversation. Once by the domesticated room mate and once over at McGoo's Aardvark and Asshat Saloon.

I've only actually seen an ant lion once, but I've seen millions (estimated) of their little dirty death traps. I figure they are largely ignored, because they are rarely seen. If it were me that discovered them, I would have probably labeled them something other than ant lion like The Steampunkin Bug or something.

For those who don't know, they build little traps for things like, well, ants to fall in. Once trapped, the ants are consumed over linen cloth with fine china and silverware...and a nice bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon.

The ant lioness, on the other hand, has a more sinister trap, which in this case is disguised beneath a veil of microfiber.

The ant lioness also uses sand traps as seen above and has the ability to imbibe her prey with sweet perfumes and fermented substances. It should be noted that her mating call of death includes phraseology like, "I'm so drunk," and "do you like my new boobs."

This is a lady bug larvae, which is considered the most voracious carnivore on planet Earth. In spite of her diminutive stature, each one can consume up to 400 aphids.

This rampant killer eventually grows into one of these after several sheddings or re-hatchings.

The final stage is the full blown lady bug like this one cleverly hidden behind a pair of Ray-Bans and her large bag of trickeration which includes various colors of camouflage paints and alluring scents.

The adult lady bug is capable of consuming the much larger dude bug in a single sitting. The larger dude bugs have many different appearances in order to disguise themselves from the females. They are no match for the more diminutive lady bugs, because when in the presence of the infinitely cunning lady bug, the dude bug becomes clumsy and hapless.

Like most carnivores, the lady bugs prefer their victims to be very large, so that they can feed upon his flesh for months or even years.

In this rare National Geographic photo, a lady bug leeches onto an unsuspecting dude bug to snatch the life from him as she pulls him to certain death.

Pay close attention to the other dude bugs as they watch the event with unsuspecting and curious anticipation. The allure of the lady bug is sinister at best and knows no bounds as she hunts down and devours her prey.

In another scientific report, this is a grackle.

The Story of US and Other History (Political) Lessons

2010-04-26T06:22:00.022-05:00

I watched this on the History Channel last night. All I have to say is that I missed the first 120 seconds of the broadcast. Why?

Because the fraudulent idiot opened the show. I left the room for the toilet and spilled my dinner.

That is all.

No, it's not all. I was leaving this comment in Cmblake6's blog about Anderson Cooper Shitting Himself, when my story-telling became too long for a comment. I figured I better write here rather than hi-jack his entry.

"I remember back in 1980, my first semester in college, when my political science "professor", Dr. Katsikas (bitch, whore, slut), claimed that "Communism is the purist form of government." She went on to try and passionately prove it to us. At the end of the 100 minute lecture the mumbles amongst the student body as we were leaving were incredible - many claiming that they would be dropping the course immediately."

"Me? I went strait to take care of that very task. I saw two others in line from the same class. I don't know how many actually bugged out, because I never returned. However, as a fraternity prank several weeks later, we streaked the lobby and corridors outside her lecture room. Yes, we were streaking in 1980."

A couple semesters later, during the second semester political science course, the moron "professor" (can't remember his ponytail name, but I remember that he was from Massachusetts), opened the class by writing the Preamble to the US Constitution on the chalk boards. I watched him hammer it out, all of it.

When he finished, he circles two phrases; "...provide for the common defence," and "...promote the general welfare."

Then he said this, "Today, this is the main difference between Democrats and Republicans." Before he could draw another breath, my arm went skyward. He called on me.

"To me, provide and promote do not mean the same thing."

"What do you mean." he said looking ghost-like.

"To provide something, means it's all on you. To promote something, means to provide avenues for others to provide or to advertise."

The moments that followed were uncomfortable and quite tense. He eventually got back on track, but three weeks later, after the first exam, he stopped me outside the room as I was leaving and said, "I have never had three weeks of lesson plans destroyed like I had on the first day of class." I was fearful of my course grade at that very moment, but he continued, "I never looked at the phrasing quite like that, but you were right in what you said."

Do these people actually read the words or do they simply fit them to their ideology? (rhetorical)

I ended up with an A in the course. He and I had healthy debates for most of the semester. To his credit, he was a decent guy albeit his politics were all screwed up.

Our education system is so broken that I have serious doubts that it can ever be repaired. I am very concerned on this matter.

Kudos: Cmblake6

Make it Viral

2010-04-26T04:44:00.002-05:00

Ignore the digital minions. They are fast at work, annoying, but harmless.

Some Serious History About Texas with a Side Order of Texas A&M

2010-04-25T08:36:00.062-05:00

Since LC Aggie Sith seems like a friendly sort, I'll only do this once (unless it happens to be Thanksgiving, then I might do it again provided that the annual football contest happens the way it is suppose to happen).

Texas A&M is a fine university and I've always had a deep respect for its academics in engineering, architecture, military studies, agriculture and science among other areas of study like animal husbandry. In Texas, the Aggie is the brunt of all insulting jokes (we use them in lieu of the Polish people), well, until the last general election. Now, we have a more adequate target.

A&M has a conservative value (virtue?) that permeates the campus and the general mindset of the student body that is rare on college campuses around the country.

This photo was taken on the campus of Texas A&M. It depicts one of the strengths of the agriculture academic programs - feeding barnyard animals gin from a styrofoam cup. I also like that they keep the leftist jackasses behind bars where they belong. The only issue I have is that the sign says, "Beware of dog." This is partially why many jokes are directed toward the university's graduates and student body.

For me though, being in the engineering biz for a substantial portion of my existence, I have worked with hundreds of Aggies and consider them all to be above the grade intellect wise. In fact, the most accurate joke told on them is this:

Q: What do you call an Aggie four years after graduation?

A: Boss.

It's true in many cases.

Many people label the Aggies as a sort of a cult in that the bond held between it's graduates probably exceeds, in camaraderie, that of any other university. I have always been amazed at how close the Aggies seem to be after graduation.

Further illustration of the conservative attributes of Texas A&M is this proposal, which took place on campus beneath the much revered Century Tree. I don't know if she accepted the proposal, but I'm pretty sure she wouldn't be capable of not doing so considering her hands are stuck to her face in awe in spite of his affiliation to The Corp.

Tradition is held in high regard at Texas A&M and for that, I will always have a healthy respect for the university.

Some of the other things I know about A&M:
- They have a dog grave yard at the football field score board.
- They name all they're dogs (collies) Reveille.
- Reveille is a five star general and highest ranking officer in the Aggie Corp of Cadets.
- If Reveille barks while her attendant is in class, that class is dismissed for the day.
- The don't have cheerleaders or song girls, they have yell leaders...and they are all male.
- Each class of undergraduates has they're own hand sign and yelp.
- After football touchdowns, everybody kisses each other...on the lips.
- The student body stands up through out the entire game.
- They are very, very loud.
- They hate Texas Tech, Baylor (1926) and most of the time Texas.
- They have a most incredible yell practice prior to the A&M vs. Texas game. Did I mention that they are very, very loud?
- They say "gig'em" a lot for no apparent reason.

Ok, one side note here...on occasion, the corp boys (or corpse boys as the pinhead in office might say), have a tendency to do some rather idiotic things. Reference the sword threat versus SMU and the 1926 debacle, which caused the feud between A&M and Baylor (that event was messy at best and caused a 30 year hiatus in football contests between the two schools).

And I always knew Nebraska fans were less than bright, but you have to know that when you do a road trip to A&M, you MUST mind your manners...and for the love of Reveille stay off the football field.

LC Aggie Sith reminded me of the LSU dust up, but I couldn't find a timely photo.

Move along, move along..

Welcome to The Republic of Texas
April 21 was the anniversary of the Battle of San Jacinto, which was fought in 1836 following the signing of the Texas Declaration of Independence, which was deemed official on March 2nd of the same year. Not coincidentally, April 21st was the day that Texas won its independence from Mexico. For some nine years, Texas was a sovereign republic, which is a claim that cannot be made by any other state in the union.

I have several lines of ancestry (including the line with the surname by which I am known) that date back to times prior to the events leading to independence. Some of my ancestors undoubtedly fought in those battles, which are now considered by many to be some of the more interesting battles fought in American history.

The Battle of The Alamo:
On March 6th, 1936, several thousand Mexicans showed up in San Antonio for fiesta and siesta in anticipation of a war rout. It didn't quite go as they had planned, because 140 (estimated) Texans and Tejanos (Hispanic Texans) had other ideas and were able to fight for two weeks. This was important because it gave Sam Houston time to retreat to the east and gather his troops in what was known as the Runaway Scrape.

Alamo casualties:
Texans and Tejanos - 140 (estimated)
Mexicans - 600 (estimated)

History is unclear on the actual numbers, because while all Alamo Texas fighters were killed (allegedly some family members were spared), the lingering wounded Mexicans died in the following days and weeks due to lack of medical personnel.

Link: The Alamo (very well done website)

The Battle at San Jacinto:
It took 18 minutes for Sam Houston and his 850 fighters to defeat the post Alamo remnants (estimated to be about 1500) of the Mexican Army. Apparently Santa Anna's troops were full of fiesta tequila and siesta headache on the day of April 21, 1936. Sam Houston being worthy of legend status around these parts, decided to use this lack of respect as an opportunity for a do or die attack. A wounded Santa Anna was later captured while hiding in the thick woods wearing a private's uniform, which was somewhat significant considering he was a proud and pompous dickhead.

San Jacinto casualties:
Texans - 9 killed, 30 wounded.
Mexicans - 650 killed, 200 wounded, the rest captured.

Side note: The Texans held two main battle cries; "Remember the Alamo" and "Remember Goliad." The Goliad Massacre occurred on or about a March 27, 1836 skirmish between 60 Texans and 350 Mexicans. The Mexicans won the skirmish and subsequently took the remaining Texans prisoner. Santa Anna (dickhead) ordered all prisoners to be executed.

The Yellow Rose of Texas:
The brilliance of Sam Houston offers one side note of genius on the eve prior to the battle. One of the legends claims that Houston sent an attractive mulatto slave, Emily Morgan (or Emily West as the legend is unclear), into the camp of El Presidente Santa Anna to distract him from the war plans. Santa Anna was well known to have surrounded himself with attractive ladies.

Link: Timeline of the Texas-Mexican War

Being a natural born Texan, I find this stuff fascinating. The rich Texas history has many legends of heraldry including some excellent stories of the famed Texas Rangers - them are some bad-ass dudes make no mistake. I've known one or two of the modern day version and I can tell you this - you really do not want to be on the wrong end of their ire. History shows that they don't always play by the rules. No doubt this is a topic for future posts.

I'll most likely sprinkle more of my favorite historical notes in this blog as time passes. For now, though, there are chores to be completed or the domesticated room mate will introduce me to her specific brand if ire.

Cheers and be safe.